Hoping to Impress

all images from marthastewart.com

Dear Alisha,

My mother-in-law will be in town this weekend, she is soon turning 60. I would like to host a elegant breakfast in her honor for a small gathering of family. Do you have any menu suggestions?

Hoping to Impress

Dear Hopeful,

I know what you want: the perfect menu printed up for you with photos. While I find your cause noble, I'm just not a breakfast person. I am afraid I will only be minimally helpful to you. Every time I try to answer this question I feel like gagging. Please don't make me think of eggs or pancakes.

What I care about is how the table looks. Graceful flowers, soft linens, personal touches on the table. How you serve the food will make a big difference. I'm already voting for plating individually or maybe serving family style, but not buffet style. Nothing tastes as good from a buffet.

What 60 year old woman wouldn't like to see photos of herself when younger?

A few thoughts on the menu: just because it's breakfast, don't overload entirely on carbohydrates. Keep the other food groups in mind. Maybe that's part of my breakfast aversion. It's often sweet rolls, muffins, toast, orange juice, and eggs. Gag.

Also, I always try and find out if the guest of honor has a favorite dish or ingredient that I could include in the meal.

A few real ideas:

Classic:
quiche with ham
roasted vegetables
croissants
fresh seasonal fruit cup
strawberry cake for dessert

All Crepes:
Make sure you include filling options such as ham spinach and goat cheese, as well the sweeter options like chocolate and lemon. Warning: it takes a long time to make crepes for a crowd so you would need to have a handy helper who could be making crepes continually for the hour leading up to the party.

French Toast-
dare I say bar? French toast cooks faster than crepes. Provide a variety of toppings like maple syrup and nuts, raspberries and whipped cream. Throw in sides of crisp bacon and roasted vegetables for those who don't want to leave with diabetes.

Here are a few real recipe ideas:
Martha Stewart's brunch menu
Make sure you check out her other links at the bottom of the page.
I bet there are plenty of Breakfast-Lover Readers out there. Maybe they could help you out with a favorite recipe or an inspiring idea.


Good luck!

Graying Gracefully

Dear Alisha,

I was wondering your take on "graying gracefully" or if there was even a way to do it? For the longest time I've had a few white hairs but have recently noticed a few more patches that have come in. The thought of coloring my hair immediately came to mind but, with the time, effort, and money that is involved, I don't want to do that forever. How's a classy brunette like yourself handle/going to handle this inevitable situation?

Sincerely,
Graying Gracefully

Dear Graying,

You had me at classy brunette. Little do you know, but I've had gray hairs sprouting up since I was in my 20's. When I say "gray", I mean gleaming bright white/silver. Each one is noticeable over my dark hair. It is the reason I color my hair now. (I like my natural, rich brown hair color.) Without a doubt, it is worth the time, effort and money.

In my opinion, nothing ages a woman more than going gray or losing so much weight that your face sags down into a pile at your neck. Since the latter is not a problem I think I'll ever have, I will continue to color my hair forever. With very few exceptions, I don't think a woman should consider "going gray" until she is over age 60. It makes a woman not only look older, but duller. Gray hair growing into dark hair is the worst- it looks like we're going bald!

Hair color doesn't have to be expensive or difficult. I color my own roots. I use a hair color a shade lighter than my natural color, and I only color the roots so I don't end up with build up in my ends. The results are passable. You could go to a stylist to see how they do it and what shade they pick, and then try and replicate the results at home. You will not be able to apply multiple colors at home, something I often wish I had, but just basic color matching isn't too tricky. My warning to you is to make sure to use a shade lighter than you think you need. A dark hair color only looks darker and more obvious once it's on the hair. If doing it yourself is out of the question or you don't like your home results, I think the expense of hair color is worth treating yourself too. "Because you're worth it". Or "because you don't want to prematurely age yourself".

Enjoy a few before and after gray haired photos:


Before: (really?) After:

Now she looks like the author of a self-help book!

From Oprah.com.,Before:

Everyone knows someone who looks like her.

After:

Is this even the same person?

Bring it on home Susan:

"I dreamed a dream in time gone by...."

"...when hope was high and life worth living"

A note to my friends: When I am really, really old, I will let my hair go silver, hopefully it will be more white. And I will wear it in a big puff and I will tint it the faintest shade of pink or lavender. Just subtle enough so you wonder if it was an accident or if I'm okay in the head, or if I'm just that cool.

Slightly softer than this, but you get the idea. But not the glasses. That would be tacky.

How many of you color your hair?

Princess Arora

Dear Alisha,

I am going on a trip to Disneyland for four days with my in-laws next week. I am 4 months pregnant and I have a 21 month old. Do you have any advice for:
1- Dressing right for California Winter weather.
2- Maximizing fun and minimizing stress.
3- Coming home rested and relaxed.
4- Not wanting to kill my in-laws by the end of the trip.

I can't wait to hear what you have to say! (Before next Tuesday!)

Princess Arora

Dear Arora,

Okay, okay, I'll get this question in before you leave.
That you would ask travel advice from me is funny. Maybe you don't know me, but I am a terrible traveler. The worst. So maybe I am someone to ask advice from?

My two older boys, husband, and mother-in-law went to Disneyland this past summer. They loved it. I stayed home with our 1 year old because I thought I would spend all my time standing outside of rides with him in the heat. The weather turned out to be perfect (67 in August!) and most rides at Disneyland are young kid friendly. When you can't take a young kid on a ride, they give you a front of the line pass so you can go on it after the rest of your family does.

I'll tell you what little I know:
1)Dress in layers. Prepare for both warm weather and rain.
2)I don't know. Even driving on vacation is stressful to me. Keep it simple and don't try to over do it.
3) As a kid I loved Disneyland but also never could recall my legs and feet throbbing like they did at the end of a long day there. Don't try to beat every last minute of fun into your kids. Be realistic- you will probably come home tired and worn with loads of laundry and good memories.
4) I think your in-laws will be an asset. Lean on them to take the kids whenever possible. Don't try to do it all yourself. Let them feel like they were both needed and enjoyed.

Okay Readers, "it's your turn to shine", this is not my cup of tea, please give Princess Arora good advice!

Juicy Tidbit

No one asked, but I am going to take this opportunity to discuss "when to believe your children". We are going to use my middle son David as our example.
Davy is the more imaginative of my three boys. So when he says his ankle hurts, but switches back and forth between which foot he limps on, you don't really believe him. Or when he thinks his arm is broken and devises a sling for it, out of sympathy for his brother who really did break his arm, you don't need to worry. So when he nonchalantly mentions that "a lego might have gone up my nose", but proceeds through his day as if nothing was wrong, as a parent you quickly look up his nose and move on.

This week Davy was breathing kind of funny. It sounded like he was decompressing his chest in a gaspy way. Being asthmatic myself, just hearing it makes me gulp for air and really bugs me. So I started asking him questions: "does it hurt to breathe? (No.) Does it feel like your chest is tight? (No.) Do you feel are trying to get more air into your body" (um, maybe.)" "Maybe it's that lego in my nose, blocking it". This again?
The conversation went a little like this:

Me- Davy. Did you put a lego in your nose?
Davy- Um, I think a lego got in my nose.
Me- (sternly) -Davy, did you put a lego in your nose?
Davy- I can't remember.
Me- Yes you can. (Now in a sweet, coaxing voice), did you really put a lego in your nose and push it in?
Davy- Yes. It was a green one.

More quizzing lead to a confession that a long time ago, say this past fall, when he built a colorful lego ship, he pushed a green lego in. He could tell me which side of his nose he could still feel it. What an imagination!
I humored him a little bit, had him blow his nose to make sure air was coming out both sides, felt around in his nose for any bumps. Everything fine. The past few days he kept breathing loud and sticking to his lego story. He even repeatedly pointed to the same spot where he could feel the "lego". On the way to school this morning his breathing was really irritating me so after dropping him off I called his pediatricians office and soon brought him in for what I thought would be chest congestion. You can all see where this is going. Humor me, because I was shocked when she showed me this lodged in his nose:

(just the Lego, not the penny)

It took a few tries but she got it out. What kills me is that it was in there for months. MONTHS!
Did you put it in before or after Christmas Davy? "Waaaayy before Christmas"! The lego ship he was referring to was built in fall and I remember him mentioning the lego in his nose, the first time, around Halloween.

Nostrils flared.

Davy has a very small, pinched nose. It's a source of foolish pride for me. I can't imagine how irritating it would be to have a piece of plastic almost the size of one nostril crammed in there. He seems happy to have it out and is breathing fine now.

Mom, I already know what you're going to say. When I was his same age I put six beads from a broken necklace up my nose. It was the only jewelry I owned. sniff.

Tacky in Tackytown

there is really no appropriate image to go with this question

Dear Alisha,

I have a rather unseemly question: I've noticed many overweight wives paired up with thinner spouses, so that the wife probably outweighs the husband. I just wondered if this bothered the husband in any way?

Sincerely,
Tacky in Tackytown
Dear Tacky,

Gasp! Just when I thought this blog was becoming respectable. Personally, I don't think the husband should mind too much. What's the big deal? If she started the marriage off larger than him and he was in love with her, he knew what he was getting into and shouldn't be surprised. Even if she has gained weight through the course of their marriage, he probably had an inkling that could happen. I don't think he has a right to be bothered anymore than she has the right to be bothered if he gained weight.

On the other hand, I bet many wives are self conscious of this fact. I bet they worry and stew about it when the rest of the world doesn't even care. But then again, I am not a man.
So how about it husbands, does this bother you? Speaking hypothetically, would this bother you? Would you dare answer?
Please don't kill me for answering this question. I just ate an entire cheese ball while typing it up. At first I dipped crackers and celery, but ended with just spooning it into my mouth. I am not going to judge any one's weight or their perception of weight. But I might argue with you.

Empty Spaces

Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.

Dear Alisha,

My family just purchased a home and living on a really tight budget. We don't have furniture (or decor) to fill up our new space.
Should we save up and buy what we really want (still don't exactly know what that is), although it may take years? Or should we be thrifty and buy something that is functional?
I don't want to fill my place up with junk, but living in empty rooms is not exactly "homey".

Sincerely,
Empty spaces

Dear Empty Spaces,
Congratulations on your new home. If it is any consolation, I think almost everyone is on a tight budget and feels overwhelmed by the amount of 'stuff' they need after they buy their first home. It takes so much to fully decorate a house. Sure we can dream about having all the money we would like to fully furnish our homes the way we'd like. But you know what? In that rare instance, the owners still feel overwhelmed and don't know where to start. Most of us have to start somewhere using affordable pieces and what we already own. This is a difficult subject for me to shortly sum up, I'll do my best but I may be a little ramble-y. There is no magic formula, but here are a few guidelines to start you off:

I don't follow the philosophy of saving for years before having a wad of cash to finally decorate a room how you'd like, using all new pieces. I don't know very many people who have attractive homes who have done it this way. I know plenty of people with empty rooms who plan on finally decorating it 'when their ship comes in', but it never seems to happen. I'm more of buy a piece here and there when you can afford to, keeping a vision in mind, decorator. And I shop cheap.

There is a fine line between buying junk you don't really like and finding affordable furniture that works for you now. But it's a line worth toeing.
Don't ever buy anything you that you really don't like, that you think it ugly. Not even a trash can. Even if it's on a really good sale. You should like everything that goes into your home.

Do shop Craigslist, used furniture and thrift stores. Antique/junk stores are a favorite. You can find good quality pieces at a fraction of the cost as new, not as well made pieces. Some things are easier to find than others. Dining room tables are readily available on craigslist and all they take are a good wiping down to be ready to be used. Upholstered furniture on the other hand is really hard to find. It generally is worn out and needs a good cleaning by the time people put it up for sale. Of course there are exceptions. Many wood pieces might just need a good polish or touch-up with furniture stain and they will look beautiful again. That's the advantage of well made, older furniture verses the cheaply constructed chipboard of today.

There is a "make it work" aspect to affordable decorating. For example, I found the perfect dining room set. I loved it and it was well made from solid wood in what I considered to be a timeless style. The chairs were around $450 a piece, the table $1700, and the buffet was over $2,000. The cost of that dining set was more than my budget for my dining and living room. So I shopped around and found a Drexel dining room set on craiglist. I loved the backs of the chairs. And the cost was $200. Okay, $220 with delivery. Still, less than the cost of one chair!

Dining set pictured here, with an experimental summer drape.

It wasn't love from the second I placed it in the room. I had envisioned a dark dining room set and had to adjust a few things to make the light wood look like it fit in. I later picked up the well made buffet, also for $200. It took cleaning and furniture polish and there is still a noticeable scratch on the top, but you know what? I HAVE CHILDREN. But I can relax and use my furniture because it didn't break the bank and I don't have to worry about destroying a perfect item. With the money I "saved" ( I don't know that I would have spent it), I was able to finish furnishing the dining room and the living room. Well, almost finish. I still have a small list of items to complete.

Proof the dining table is used without hesitation.

* At the bottom of this post I included several dining room family pictures that show a few of the many good times that would not have taken place had I waited and saved up for my dream table.
It might help you feel less overwhelmed if you focus on one room at a time. I usually start with the room we will use the most or that will be the most visible. That said, when you are out shopping for a side table, you will most likely stumble across the perfect headboard that if you don't buy you will later regret. Stay flexible.

Spend money on things you love but don't over spend. What I mean is if you LOVE a $3,000 sofa, you might want to look around to find a similar $1,400 sofa so you can also afford a chair and some drapes too.

Access what you already own or what a relative is willing to donate. It might not seem like it now, but you don't want a matchy-matchy room where it looks like you walked into a medium priced furniture store and bought the display. Real homes, homes with money, look like they have been lovingly created piece by special piece. Using what you already own not only saves money, but it's sure to mix it up a bit. Something you might have vetoed could look lovely with a fresh coat of paint. Relatives, especially of the senior variety, are often willing to pass down well made pieces if they know you will use and appreciate them.

Measure. Measure. Measure. If you only have room for am 86"sofa, a 96"sofa will not work. It doesn't matter the price, if a piece of furniture is much too big, don't buy it. (Find a friend who needs it.)

Looking around, reading magazines, studying attractive rooms, and figuring out what styles you like is free. Or nearly. Use your tight budget times to develop your tastes and form a game plan.

It won't happen in a single week, but if you keep plugging away, piece by piece, your rooms will start to take shape and you will have a home you love to be in.