Shower Me This

I rummaged around and dusted off this old question, with a self-serving motive.


Dear Alisha,
My SIL is pregnant with her 3rd baby. This baby was somewhat of a surprise as she has been unable to get pregnant for the last 8 years. What is proper baby shower etiquette? I've heard you should only throw a shower with the first baby. Then others say with the first baby or the first of each gender. In her case, she already has a boy and a girl but because it's been so long I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO...PLEASE DO ADVISE! This baby's on it's way...like in 4 weeks Sincerely,
Aunt with no clue

Dear Aunt,

Sorry I failed you. I hope you or a friend threw her a shower, lots of people came, and it was nice of you to be concerned.

In her case, yes I would have said "throw her a shower". I use to think only the first birth or the birth of a different gender merited a baby shower. But since "anything goes now-a-days" I guess baby showers for any birth are acceptable if someone is willing to put in the work. I'll admit in the past I have been slightly annoyed when receiving a baby shower invitation for Suzy Sunshine's fourth girl. She doesn't have enough girl clothes already? I crankily ask whoever is around. But it seems everyone has their reasons, so let them have a shower. It doesn't mean I have to attend just because I'm invited. Or bitter.

On the flip side, if you are having your second boy/girl and no one has offered to throw a baby shower for you, don't feel sorry for yourself- I think most people stick to the first in gender rule.

from stampthat.com

Now here's where my greediness comes out: I have a question for you. If you receive an invite to a baby shower for someone you hardly know, how do you feel about it? Are you a little put off? Do you feel obligated to attend and bring a gift, or does it merely annoy you? Are you ever flattered even if you don't plan on attending?

All answers, anonymous or not, would be helpful. I have a guest list invite list to turn into friends who have kindly offered to throw a baby shower for me, and I can't decide whether to hand over the short or long list. I'm happy for all to attend but I don't want to seem like I'm groveling for presents from anyone that says hi to me in the halls at church.

Sincerely,

Shower-Me-This

Davy, one day old, before he turned green.

I Love Paris in the Spring Time

I thought I'd spare you the redundancy of reading about my Valentines Day. Quick summary: chocolate M&M cookies, sugar cookies, window jam cookies, homemade dipped chocolates, heart shaped pancakes, more cookies, punch-out vintage Valentines, pink bow-ties, "surprise" Daddy at work, pink and white roses, Justin sacrificing dinner out to paint a kid's room, and homemade pizza. That about sums it up.


On to a more current and pressing topic: getting ready to have a baby. In just 8 short/long weeks I'm scheduled to deliver a baby girl. Fortunately I have lots to do before her arrival. I've never delivered early and don't plan to, but it would be even nicer if we weren't beginning a painting project right when she arrives. In the case of my previous 3 births, I was sewing curtains with my mom the night before delivery. Yes, I know that you don't need hanging curtains to bring a baby home, and good thing. Nothing gets done for months after the baby is born, so it's do it now or suffer without.

Nothing makes me feel more organized and accomplished than a good to-do list, and since this must be interesting to at least three of you. Here's my
"To Do Before the Baby Arrives" (Note how much of it is really Justin's to-do):

-finish up the closets with baskets and reorganization. January was "closet month" in our house, it wasn't fun, but everyone has moved around and Justin installed shelves in all 3 kid's room closets. A few tragic closets were cleaned out and organized. (Thanks Maggen and Becky!) So glad the worst of it is over.

-Move Trevor into guest room, make it a boy room. This should be easy since we don't need to re-paint, aqua blue can work for a boy too, and we don't need new furniture. It's a matter of taking the feminine details out and adding punches of red, yellow and boy.

-Re-paint mural in what will be the "little boys" room. I realize this might not seem urgent to most of you, but the room is ready for a new look and if we're going to get it done, this is the time.

-Move Whitman in with Davy. Figure out crib situation. Pray this goes well.

-find and purchase matching small dressers to use as nightstands in the master bedroom. "I won't have another baby with this tiny nightstand!!" It's just a matter of finding a nice looking pair. It's not so easy. Hint: I would appreciate any affordable leads.

-Once all off the above is done, finally start the baby's room! See question at bottom of page for more details on this.


-cancel my gym membership. Who's kidding who?

-Stock a newborn girl's wardrobe full of pinks and soft colors in classic and/or vintage baby style. You guys, this is so hard. You don't know how I suffer. Oh and I should probably pick up a car seat.

-pick new dentist and get my teeth clean. So important.

-stock up on household supplies. Anything I buy now-toilet paper, hand soap, chocolate chips- I wonder, will I need to replenish this before the baby arrives?

-Clean out garage. This is driving me nuts, Justin.


-Finally, have the house spotlessly clean. This includes having the carpets cleaned and all the moldings clean and paint retouched if needed.

There are several other things I would like to see done (picture wall in master, crown molding put up, finally commit to a living room chair), but the above is the must-do list.


On that note: Dear Alisha,

Have you started dreaming/decorating the nursery for your little princess? Please share your ideas/progress for the curious of heart. Sincerely,
An Indulging Friend

I gave up dreaming of girl rooms two boys ago. I still have an old idea sitting around and I think I'll use it. It also happens to be my favorite thing about spring: blossoming cherry trees. Feast your eyes:


and finally, what Justin will work from...

Perfect for a baby girl due in spring! I still have to figure out how to translate all of this beauty into a room. I love pink, as those of you who visited my last house may have noticed, but it can also be nauseating when it's too much.

Here is my problem, this is my current view from the chair in the baby's room:

It looks even better in person. I still love it and I'm reluctant to slop paint over it in hopes that I'll love the next mural too.

Also, I really want an iron crib. Since this will probably be our last child, it's hard to justify the expense. Unlike a far-thinking friend of mine, I can't buy one with the plan of holding on to it for grandchildren. I may just go with something simple like this:

...or just deal with the same crib my three boys used.

Oh! Lastly, I won't ever refer to my daughter as a princess or worse, a diva. It sounds too indulgent.

Adult Bullies, A Concerned Friend

Dear Alisha,

My good friend just moved away and is having trouble adjusting to a new city and making good friends. To make things worse someone in her new church group is a total bully and likes making fun of people in public. The way I see it, most women have enough trouble liking themselves as it is - the last thing they need is someone being openly rude and poking fun at them. My friends and I lucked out I guess and left the High School drama, well, in High School. But apparently some women still get a kick out of being better than everyone else. Do you have any suggestions on how she could deal with this?

Sincerely,
A Concerned Friend


Dear Friend,

Congratulations! Your question has been selected to receive the "full treatment service", or something like that till I think of better name. What this means:

-I will answer your question. (big deal)

-Janalee, my BFF and an avid, sensible blogger, will as well. Find her blog here.

-A 3rd blogger will weigh in. This time it is a friend of Jana's who goes by "Real". We picked her because she seems sensitive and smart. Find her answer here.

-None of us read each others answers or even consult with each other until the post publishes. So you get each of our takes with out each others opinions.

So let's answer your question. I feel sympathy for your "friend". It can be especially lonely in a new place. I'm glad she's making an effort to get to know new people. I am going to choose to believe that your friend really is around an adult bully and that is is not her own perception, and handle the question accordingly. I've been racking my brain, but I can't think of a single adult bully that I know. Especially in a friend/church type situation. That leads me to think.... maybe I'm the bully!!! Without meaning to be, of course. I am loud, opinionated, and I try to get other people to do things...

Don't get angry but I'm going to defend people of my type. We don't mean to be offensive-well, not exactly... We don't mean to be more than slightly offensive, to get a laugh or elicit a response. Because I don't mind prying questions, in fact I invite them, I am happy to ask them of other people. It let's you get to know them better. Maybe this bully is testing you, I mean your friend, to see what she is like. It's her way of getting to know someone new.

Making fun of others isn't nice. Even if it can be funny. If this continues I would suggest your friend tries to speak with her privately. She could say something like "it really hurts my feelings when you impersonate my singing, ...could you please stop?" My bet is that she'll apologize or backpedal, maybe not realizing that she has been mean. All bullies want friends, right? Didn't we learn that from Arthur? So still offer her friendship and a way to make up.

If it continues, or if she is cruelly making fun of someone else, next time you hear "She looks looks like 20 pounds of ham in a 10 pound bag!", or whatever, at that moment pipe up with "that's not a very nice thing to say". Let it be known that you don't appreciate/approve of it. Beside it being the right thing to do, and since most people are kind, you will make more friends in the group this way too.

Good luck! Remind her that it usually takes an outgoing year to feel like you have friends in a new area.
Have any of you had to deal with adult bullies? Really? How'd it go?

I was a little rushed today, Jana got the days mixed up, (she's so like that), and I had minutes to deliver my response. You probably can't tell the difference between this and something I've thought about and worked on for days. Anyways, if you like this new idea, let us know. Not all future Q & A's will be serious. Also, don't get too excited, My Readers, you're stuck with just me most of the time.

Valentines Dinner

Dear Alisha,

I am having a group of people ....around 8 couples over for a Valentine party..do you have any great..or fabulous (preferred) ideas for food and fun. We will be serving dinner due to the fact that it will be from 5-8 pm.

Sincerely,
Romantically Inclined


Dear Romantic,

Oh I love that you're already thinking about Valentines Day! I've been thinking of it all through the dreary month of January. Not wanting to rush it and wear out it's welcome, I've made myself wait till now to really dive in.

Okay, let's talk about your dinner. I've been dreaming of a dinner party, adults only, the Saturday before Valentines! Is that what you're doing? Or a more family oriented dinner on the actual day of? Either way, here's what you need: hearts, a sickening amount, and anything red and pink. It can't be avoided. And why should it be?

Almost any meal can be made to look romantic and sweet when presented properly. [Exceptions: ribs and corn, burritos, corn dogs, sausages, sour kraut..;] Almost. A few ideas I like:

Start with a salad with beet shaped hearts. It doesn't matter if you like beets or not, that's not the point. Just imagine your guests delight when they find little red hearts in their salad. Martha says to boil the beets yourself and cut them with a pairing knife, but really all you need to do is buy a can of sliced beets and cut them out with a cheap little cookie cutter. Much faster. Beets taste good in a basic salad too.



For the main course, I would pick one of two different directions. Hunk of meat or Italian food. Let's start with the first and make it sound more elegant:

Grilled Steak with reduction sauce (if you like to grill, it's hard to go wrong)
or
Roasted pork loin with reduction sauce
Brown buttered asparagus
Potatoes (mashed, baked, or scalloped, it doesn't matter: everyone likes potatoes)

Fresh bread on the side

As you can see, I don't want you to over work yourself, we're keeping things simple. But please, please, dress up your steak by giving your guests the option of a sauce. Here are a few to choose from:

Steak Sauce Recipe
Bearnaise Sauce (you can use any type of vinegar)
Reduction Sauce, always good

Otherwise, Italian food always seems romantic. Even just really good spaghetti and meatballs, especially with two sharing a plate Lady-and-the-Tramp-style, can seem romantic.
Martha, as in the photo pictured above, has several ideas with recipes listed on her sample Valentines menu found here: Martha's dinner menu ideas. (Just remember to make 4 times as much.)

What your guests are going to really remember is the dessert.

All of the following images from marthastewartliving.com. Look, the site has great photos.

You're going to end with good hot chocolate, as seen above. If cutting hearts out of marshmallows seems like too much work, sigh, they now make marshmallows already heart shaped and pink.

This looks wonderful..
Coeurs a la Creme, recipe from Martha Stewart.

But I wouldn't turn down a little of this..

Heart-Shaped Strawberry Parfaits, again, recipe from Martha Stewart.

or this:


Chocolate and Raspberry Heart Napoleons, recipe from Martha Stewart. What I really want you to notice is the raspberry garnish. So simple yet look how it dresses up ice cream sandwiches.

But what I really crave around Valentines is chocolate.

I love Chocolate Pots de Creme, but the photo wasn't anything special. You would need to dress them up with the raspberry garnish pictured above.

Even if you're not much of a baker, anyone can make a Triple chocolate cheesecake. Bonus if it's in a heart shaped pan:

(Ignore the white star stuff.) Garnish, again, with raspberries. They're red.

Now about the table. This is what decides whether you pull this whole night off or not. It needs to read Valentines. Even if you have all white linens and plates, it's easy to mix in a little pink and red.

A few options, to-do list style:

-rose petals scattered down the table (it only takes the petals from a couple of roses, much cheaper than a giant rose bouquet, )
-a giant rose bouquet, (How obvious, you say. It still looks nice. Keep it low.)
-a rose or other pink/red flower tucked into the napkin ring of the linen napkin for each guest. If you don't have napkin rings, use a tie of ribbon or make ones out of paper.
-lots of candles, preferably tall tapered, and light them!
-use, what else, Valentines as place card holders. I know. How adorable.
-little boxes of (heart shaped) chocolates as place card holders
-mix in whatever pink or red linens you can find. A little color, or a lot, will really stand out.
-consider purchasing Valentines salad plates like these:


gosh I love these plates from Potterybarnkids! I'll be looking for them on February 15th, if you know what I mean.

..or no need to wait for a sale at Target. They sell all these individually in store, I'd like to draw your attention simply to the smaller salad plate, not the tacky white tumbler. The plates are only $2.40 a piece and would mix easily with white china.

Wait just a second.. (rumage, rumage,) here's a start to what I mean:


Ignore the contrived day time setting and the misplaced heart-bullseye in the background. Maybe this isn't the best photo to sell you on the scheme, but you see how pink and red really jazz it up? And how special Jana feels with her vintage Valentine?

Good luck! Tell us how it goes.

Is anyone else nearly this excited?