Party of One.I tried to throw a 30th birthday party for someone close to me, and there was not a single YES in the RSVP's. The invitations were elaborate and well thought out, and were very enticing as far as the theme and activites go. The common reason was being out of town. Now, were that many people really out of town all on the same weekend? . . . Are adults with kids too cool to get a little out of their comfort zone for a party? . . . Or are we just that unlikeable? It's tough to make friends in a place were cliques seem to be the comfort for most and reaching out with a party invite doesn't even seem to break down those barriers. Where do I go from here, I am usually quite likable, but lately. . . been feeling like crap!
Sincerely,
Trying to make friends
Dear Trying to Make Friends,
My heart goes out to you. It is so upsetting to plan a party, a fabulous party by your standards, and not have anyone attend. When I go to the effort but have a low turn out, It. Makes. Me. Furious. I want to shout "what were all you losers doing that was better!?"
Without a lot of details, it is hard to say why people did not RSVP yes. I am assuming that not very many attended the event either. It is also hard to pinpoint the magic formula of a well attended, fun party. Yet here are a few things that come to mind:
-Did you over plan the party? Were the theme and activities a little too much for most people? I know that when I have a free date night with my husband, I usually want to relax and have fun. If a party involves driving across town to a hard to find location followed up by activity after activity, it starts to sound like more work than fun and I am okay with missing it for dinner and a movie on our own.
-Was it truly a busy weekend? If you're thinking to yourself "I don't get it, people were really out of town or had plans on Valentines weekend?" Yes, they did. There are other non-holiday weekends that end up being inexplicably very busy. It is always a good idea to clear the date in advance with close friends who you would expect to attend.
-Did you let people know that you needed them to attend? There are so many choices and demands for our free time. I have found that if people think they are needed and appreciated, they are more likely to pick your event. I have planned several parties that have had only one or no favorable RSVP's. Worried, I mentioned to invited guests that no one was planning on attending. (This must be done positively and with discretion.) This seemed to act as a wake-up call, or maybe it was the final straw into the 'yes, we will attend' bucket, but after the reminder nearly everyone invited attended. Sometimes people just think "oh, their good friends will already be attending so I don't need to".
Do not let the low attendance defeat you. Learn the right lesson from the party and plan differently next time. Party on.
Let's help Dear Trying out here:
Has anyone else thrown a party that no one came to?
Do we have any other ideas for why no one attended the party?
7 comments:
Parties can be a hit or miss for most anyone. I threw a party and had over a hundred people come. I threw an other party and literally two people came. Or maybe it was just one. I tried to forget about that one, especially since my sister spent the entire night before decorating.
parties, parties, parties. Is that all anyone ever throws or worries about?
First of all, I love that photo of Justin.
Second of all, it really stinks to put so much effort into a party and not have it attended. I once went to a party I wasn't even invited to because Alisha called and told a mutual friend that she was worried no one was coming. This mutual friend felt she not only needed to attend but wanted to bring another guest along. This party was very well attended so I felt a little superfluous but I had fun anyway and not one person cared that I "crashed" the party. So I would say calling and letting others know you really NEED them works. They may attend a little bit out of duty (my husband does this all the time) but when they have fun they will keep coming back for more.
Now I'm curious what the "theme and activities" were was that would ask people to "get a little out of their comfort zone."
Still, I can't think of one person who I might possibly invite to a party that if they told me they were out of town, I wouldn't 100% believe them. Saying someone has "other plans" might be a brush off, but I doubt people lie about something so clear cut as being out of town. No one will hide their cars in their garage and stay indoors all weekend just to avoid a party.
In our neck-O-the-woods, almost every Sunday night someone is having some gathering somewhere. And, they are very informal, bring a treat, let the kids play outside or downstairs, grown-ups upstairs. And usually those are as much if not more fun than a tediously planned party.
Why?
No one feels guilty for the host doing all the work. Everyone is relaxed, no cleanup, and it's just so fun to play-rather, ahem, visit. It's still the Sabbath, after all.
And while I LOVE nothing more than a party, I agree with Alisha. There are so many demands and places to be that take opportunities away from me being on a date with my hub. Sometimes I just want to be with him, simply because I've missed him.
And I rationalize that once the kids are slightly older then it will be easier to party it up more. Right now, leaving a 8 month old is neither fun for mom or babysitter.
So, circumstances beyond the host's control. But I rarely miss a party unless Bruce is working that night. I'd rather be at a party than a meeting ANYDAY.
Okay, how about having your best friend of 22 years plan a baby shower for your upcoming baby boy and only 1, yes ONE, person showing up besides my Mom and my BFF.
Here I was with only a month left to go (contractions already starting) and all 30 of the other people I invited didn't show up. . . talk about hormones/emotions going haywire that night!!!
I felt horrible for all the trouble my BFF (who lives 4 hours away and drove in for the weekend) had put into the invites, the games, etc., etc. and I have to say I felt like maybe the special occasion wasn't as special as I had thought (blow to the gut). Come to find out all of my relatives and friends thought "Oh, there'll be lots of people there, so I'll catch up with T later". . . ha. . .ha. . .ha. . .WAH!
Let me preface (after the fact, as usual, obviously poor word choice) that with my pregnancy with Camryn I had 4 baby showers (1 I flew up to the NW for, 1 we had in CA and 2 surprise ones that were planned by each of Dame and my offices). So needless to say I "understand" that people thought "It'll be a huge shindig, so she won't miss me", but it was truly disappointing!
Thank goodness I can bounce back fairly easy (at least for this type of thing—cut me off on the road and I'll track you down like a dog!!!), but I understand how feelings can be seriously hurt by friend's who don't make the time or effort to come to something special (come on people, it was a 30th birthday party for crying out loud!). I understand the whole, "I want to spend quality time with my fam or hubby", but when it's a special occasion maybe you can "squeeze" it in.
As for themed parties, well, you really need to know your audience and at a certain age that kind of effort seems to be unnecessary (okay, unless it's holiday related I suppose). I have some friends who plan LOTS of "themed" parties (i.e. 70's, 80's, Cowboy/Cowgirl, Roller Derby, etc., etc., etc.) and usually it's just something to go along with the drunk shenanigans that will be going on during the night. To each hi/hers own. . .
We were invited to a couples dinner party once and planned to go, but then at the last minute got information from the hosts that it was in fact a party set up to sell us gift cards or something. Those are tough for me. Mike doesn't mind, but I hate mixing business and friends.
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