Making a List

I hope none of you are sitting around out there thinking "it's not even Thanksgiving yet, I have plenty of time to get ready for Christmas!" Because if so, and you have a family, you are already way behind. I spoke with my Grandma two weeks ago and she asked me how my Christmas shopping was going just so she could tell me that she's already done with hers. Now, because she's old and feeble, she's working on wrapping the presents, a few each day. She buys a present for each of her 7 children, plus their spouses, plus her 30 to 40 grandchildren, plus her great-grandchildren. That sounds exhausting. Not to worry, she's almost done wrapping.

As a helpful reminder for all of us, especially family members who like to procrastinate and then panic and run around like the proverbial chicken the last week of Christmas, frustrating everyone, I've composed a preparations check list. I will tell you ahead of time that I don't want to hear any whining about simplifying. Simplifying means you prepare early so you can relax and enjoy the holiday when it gets here.

Here's your early preparations check list:

Christmas Cards-This is such an important and festive aspect of the holidays. If you think sending out a quick, dingy photo of your kids made into a glossy Christmas card, mass mailed, is all it takes, I will refer you these words of wisdom Christmas Card Sending 101. And may I add that a papery or homemade card wins over a photo printed Costco card any day.

Here's what you should be doing to be ready: have a family photo taken to be used in the card. That involves planning and possibly shopping for what outfits you will all wear, booking a photographer, picking a location, and convincing your children to get dressed up on a day other than Sunday morning. After that it's in God's hands. I will admit that while I have outfits planned and a photographer, I didn't get the photo taken before the terrible (terribly enjoyable) weather moved in! Now I think I will have to have our family photo taken in front of the Christmas tree, which means I will have to have the tree up and decorated first. This makes me nervous as I like to have our family photo done and over with before Thanksgiving. Wish me luck.

These photos are meant to show you how much my family loves getting their picture taken.


If you would like to include a family update letter, start writing it now so that you aren't tempted to skip this step when you are in a hurry. It's true, I don't mind and even kind of like family brag letters. If I don't want to read it, I don't have to. Otherwise I like hearing what people without blogs are up to.

After the photo and letter, consider what card you will send out. If you pre-bought cards on the after-Christmas sale, well then you are all ready to go. If you make your own cards, and I do not, you have your work cut out for you. If you need to go buy cards, buy more than you think you need, do it now, and start addressing immediately. If you are more in the mood after Thanksgiving, fine, brush up your list now and start immediately after Thanksgiving.

Shopping- What can be said? Whether you are "keeping things simple this year", wise, or going a little crazy, bragger, make a list and stick to it. There is no reason to wait to shop. Set a goal to have it all done by the end of the day on Black Monday. Get an early jump on out-of-town relatives. Otherwise you'll question your holiday spirit while waiting in postal lines and paying for express shipping. [This means you Gayle.] You are allowed to put off stocking-stuffers until the last week of Christmas. I like getting caught up in the last minute excitement when there is no real pressure.

I don't know how to take a good photo of a lit tree. This doesn't capture it's glory.

Decorations- I can not put a single decoration up before Thanksgiving. But come Friday the 26th, all will all be pulled out. If you are going to go to the hassle of decorating, do it early enough for you to enjoy it all season.

Still getting a few more miles from these treat box photos:

Friends and Neighbor Gifts- by this I mean Christmas treats dropped off at doors, small homemade gifts, or thoughtful, useful items. This is a great time to plan what you will do. I break down my holiday baking into several sessions because I like that kind of thing. If you do not, if it stresses you out, no one really wants your baked goods that bad anyways. Skip this step, drop off a card, or buy something small and holiday-ish to give out instead. What I am saying it if you like it, plan for it now. Otherwise, simplify. There! I said it!

**A word to the wise: I love homemade gifts at Christmas. They capture the spirit of the holiday. If you would like to make homemade gifts this holiday, they must be finished early. Starting them the last week before Christmas, and driving your family crazy in the process, defeats the purpose of a homemade gift. It can't be said enough: start early or skip it.

My boys kickin back sodas at the kids' table.

Holiday Parties- if you are throwing one, do I even need to say it? Plan now. If it is going to be fun, invite me. If you are attending several parties, what do you plan on wearing?

Do you know what I find frustrating? Everyone wants to have their holiday parties early "because it gets too crazy closer to Christmas". So much so that it is busier for us early in the season. One year all our parties, friends, work, church, were over with by the 8th of December. The weeks before Christmas felt a little anti-climatic. If you are so prepared that you find yourself with extra time on your hands, well then go ahead and throw and little last minute party. You've earned it.

Look for a Service/Giving Opportunity - it shouldn't be hard this year. If you've been blessed, I know you'll want to take the time to help others. The worse is when Christmas gets here and you realize that while you thought about it all season, you never actually did anything above and beyond for someone else. What's the point?!

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a sizable list of things to do. All the preparations, when not rushed and stressed, are half the fun of Christmas. If you dread it, you're missing the point. I am saying this because if you do not enjoy any of the above mentioned, if it just a list of obligations that stress you out, then don't do it. Don't do any of it. Life will go on without all the details. But if it is your thing, don't wait.

Rachel's handiwork.

Keeping in mind that this is my early list, have I missed anything?

Because Rachel is always asking, what are some of your favorite small friend/neighbors gifts that you've been given?

What preparation do you enjoy most?


Bonus Question: Every other year Justin makes a DVD of family videos and photos and sends them out to family and maybe a few close friends. Seeing how we already have a family blog, should he bother this year? Will anyone watch it to make it worth his time?

Out-lawing In-laws

Dear Alisha

How do you deal with your in-laws? We have been married less than a year and I'm already at my wits end! First I will say my husband's parents are divorced, so there is always the constant pulling between the two.

But just in the past month, my FIL has said such hurtful things to my husband AND unfriended us both on Facebook. I'll admit my husband may have said a few things out of line (it was all via email so I read the whole thing... I know I know it isn't the best mode of communication in an already strained relationship but it's really the only way they ever communicate.) But the things he said, no father should say to a son and were completely uncalled for. Plus, I'm pretty sure it's not normal for a parent to unfriend their child and DIL on Facebook. There's a whole laundry list of things I could mention, but I think you get the gist. Anything you can suggest here would be helpful but I'm thinking their relationship is a lost cause. Don't get me wrong, I would really like for him to have a healthy relationship with his parents. It just seems like he isn't a willing participant in any sort of positive relationship.

Then there's his mother. She sort of has a love hate relationship with us. Things will go well for a while, we talk regularly (she lives out of state) and then we do something (seemingly innocent) to set her off and she'll be upset, hang up on us or just not answer the phone. Most recently, we booked last minute travel plans with my family, since she had said they were staying home this year for Christmas. My husband even told her before we finalized everything. Then, that same night, she says we lied to her. Even if my husband hadn't told her, I didn't know we had to check with my MIL when making plans that don't involve her.

So, after all my whining, I'm hoping you'll have a tactful way of dealing with my in-laws. I've tried looking for ideas online (my normal source) but most issues with MILs are the type that criticize your housekeeping, snoop, want you to baby their baby etc and she's really not like that. When times are good, I feel like I can go to her for tips on cooking, information on my husband's medical history he may have forgotten etc, but then there's times like these. What's a girl to do? Help!

Sincerely, *
Out-lawing in-laws.

Dear Outlaw,

First off, I'm not an expert on this subject in any way. I have it easy with my in-laws. Both my in-laws and my parents act like adults. Sometimes getting along with parents, like most people, is a conscious choice.

Off hand, I'd say both parent examples sound very insecure and easily hurt. Maybe their past relationships have taught them bad ways to deal with family and to be distrustful. I would imagine it will take time for either of them to come to trust you. You will have to show them consistent, kind behavior and over time you can build a healthy, fulfilling relationship. You might have to handle this in a more mature and generous way than they are. I agree that you want to aim for a healthy, happy relationship. Who doesn't want that with a parent?

I am sure that you'll need to establish "boundaries" but I'm not sure what exactly that means, besides not letting them be outright hurtful. I wouldn't set myself up for that.

Okay Readers, this is your time to shine. If you have dealt with a situation similar to this or have good advice, let's here it. We'd love a reading reference to get our Outlaw going.

Saving Face(book)

"Let's see.. more love poems from a facebook friend? Not again!"
photo by Trevor

Dear Alisha,

I’m on Facebook but don’t send many friend requests. I like keeping up with the people currently in my life. But for most people – especially those from my past that I never see - I’m usually okay keeping in touch in a Christmas card sort of way.

Recently an ex-boyfriend “friended” me. This relationship went down in flames. FLAMES. And it was all my doing. We haven’t spoken since the breakup – it’s been well over a decade – though we have several mutual friends.

I’m married. He’s not.

I accepted his friend request. Mostly because we have mutual friends, and since I don’t have hard feelings against him (I crashed the relationship), it seemed like the mature life-isn’t-high-school-anymore thing to do. Still, it just seems weird. I don’t particularly care to keep up with him and (honestly) prefer to drop him. But we really do have a lot of mutual friends. So I’m not sure if I should act like a grown up and stick it out.

What do you think? What should I do with my unwanted friend?

Sincerely,

Hiding on Facebook

Dear Saving Face(book),

First I'll give you the short answer: if you don't want to be friends with someone on a social network, don't be.

The longer discussion would be that "friends" on facebook are usually a mix of casual and close friends. I have many facebook friends that would not make the Christmas card list. Not because I don't like them, it's just that neither of us would feel the need. So if it was just a sensitive friend, I'd say what's the big deal?

However, you're bringing up the ex-boyfriend issue. Based on your dramatic past, it does sound like de-friending him would hurt his feelings. ("How many times can I be rejected by her!?") My opinion with ex-boyfriends: it's always better to err on the side of being cautious and not be facebook friends. We've all heard of old flames reconnecting and trouble starting. Glenn Beck says 120% of divorces can be traced to facebook romances! That said I have a couple of guys I dated casually, techincally ex's, who I am sure are not still in love with me, hanging out in my friend pile. But I have many ("many?") that I would not be friends with. Who's to say they're completely over me? (*wink*)

You can adjust your friend settings so that some of your friends see just basic information about you but not your status updates, while others get the full story. Both types are still listed as your friend. That might be the middle road, keeping this ex out of your life but also keeping him from jumping off a bridge. [It probably goes with out saying, but don't make the posts he can see glamor shots of yourself or "what do you guys think of my new bikini?" photos or changing your relationship status to "it's complicated".] Still, if that makes you uncomfortable, remember you don't owe him anything. Just de-friend.

Here is a similar chaser question:

Dear Alisha,

What is is your opinion on the etiquette of old girlfriends/boyfriends on facebook? I don't ever add old flames as friends, but recently, my husband's old girlfriend sent me a friend request (my husband does not have a facebook account). I don't want to seem immature or jealous, but at the same time, I frankly don't care what she is "doing right now", and think it is weird she wants to check out my husband and kids. And, although we have a couple of mutual friends, I have not actually ever met this girl. How would you handle this?

Sincerely,
Nix on the vixen

Dear Nix the Vixen,

See above. If you don't want her as a facebook friend, then just ignore her request. You must not be as curious as I am. I would jump at the chance to peek into the life of one of my husband's ex-girlfriends. Then I'd be disappointed over how boring/blah she inevitably would be.

It's Autumn Time, It's Autumn Time

photo from lsa.uoregon.edu

It's full fall leaf regalia here in Oregon. I am swimming in gorgeousness. I remember when I lived in Arizona and I'd get excited about a few leaves changing color on a single straggly tree. Now I'm drenched in riches.

My backyard:

Kidding, The Japanese Gardens in Portland, photos from their website.

Other highlights of fall:

Harvesting crops. No, I didn't grow these, let's not get carried away. I bought these organic heirlooms from a local farm. We made tomato salad, tomato sauce, salsa...that's it.

Great weather. Cooler but crisp, some rain, plenty of sun. Hey! Look who's being a good mom!

Whitman turned 18 months and started nursery. What a relief.

Kids in leaves:
Okay boys, get your orange shirts on, it's time to play in the leaves! Do you know what problem I had this year and every year? All the gorgeous parks are a little too well manicured. As soon as it's dry out, the leaf-blowers come and whisk away all the leaves and my photo opportunities with it. This also drives my kids nuts because they like to make giant leaf piles to jump in. So I've started driving around with a giant rake stuffed into the back of my car in case we find a park that hasn't been de-leafed.

Pumpkin Foods

Behold the only photo I took of Pumpkin Bread:
Mmmmm, enticing, isn't it? It really is a great recipe, it's more of a cake than bread, but the recipe is written for one large loaf. My theory is that if you're going to mess up your kitchen, why not double the batch? Or triple it? I forgot that the recipe was so large, really already two loaves, so I tripled the batch. I have the large Kitchen Aid, but that couldn't begin to hold the batter. Nor could my largest bowl. It took a combination of 3 large bowls and a ridiculous amount of mixing by hand and transferring bowls to finish the recipe. I should have figured it out when I started adding 12 eggs, 9 cups sugar, 6 cups flour...

I don't have a picture of the finished product, but I do receive compliments whenever I give it out. Not that you asked, but here's the recipe:

Pumpkin Bread (Cake)

2 cups canned pumpkin
4 eggs
1 cup vegetable oil
2/3 cup water
2 cups flour
3 cups sugar
1&1/2 tsp salt
2 tsp baking soda
1 Tblsp pumpkin pie spice

Grease and flour two larger loaf pans. Mix liquid ingredients in electric mixer. Combine dry ingredients in separate bowl, then add dry to liquid mix. Mix well. Pour batter into pans and bake at 350 degrees for at least an hour, until a knife inserted comes out clean. This bread is so moist it's almost impossible to over bake. Just don't under bake it.

When cool, I like to frost the top only with cream cheese frosting. Don't even think about asking me for that basic recipe. The end.

I was going to finish with an expose on casseroles and why I love soup, but this is already too long and I'm out of patience. Stay tuned.

If you're feeling chatty, tell me what you love about fall.

Words to Live By

I don't know if all of you are bothered by this or if it's just me and a few of my cranky friends, but what are we to do about over used sayings or word phrases? You know what I mean, something slightly catchy or something Oprah says and before you know it, all of of America is saying the same phrase like it's new, over and over again. The phrase quickly loses meaning, and after that it becomes annoying. At least to me.

Here's my #1 example, I'm not just annoyed by this phrase anymore, now I hate it:

"Everything happens for a reason" This bothers me because a) I think many things happen for a reason, but I think somethings happen because we have free will and we just have to bring meaning to them, and b) I hear it used as an excuse for dumb/wrong choices, "yes I had an affair with my fitness instructor, but everything happens for a reason..".

"Seriously? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" That's Jana's pet-peeve over used phrase. It doesn't bug me too much because I'm usually just glad someone's getting excited over something I told them.

"Life is good" -Jana again.

"It's all good" - the 90's version of Life is Good. While I appreciate the good naturedness behind it, I had a co-worker who said it non-stop and I wanted to make everything bad for him by the time my shift was over.

"Got Milk?" Remember that clever campaign? How could we forget it??!! For years and years since, every one has tried to apply this tired saying to their product: "got sweaters?", "got ink cartridges?" "got Jesus?". Apparently, it never gets old. It is also the incorrect or crass use of language that makes this phrase so terrible.

"My bad" This makes Justin cringe, which makes me crack up. Again, it's the incorrect use of language. That and he doesn't play sports. Or he doesn't know what to say back, "You good"?

I could go on, but instead, I'll let you.
What are some over used phrases you are ready to toss out and why?

What are we suppose to replace these phrases with? Original thought?

*Disclaimer: I am your friend and still will be if you say some of these tired phrases. Who among us doesn't have a few fall backs? "Shut-up!!"

Living Loud

Dear Alisha,

We recently had new neighbors move in next door—a stylish young family with kids my kids’ age, so we were excited for the potential borrow-a-cup-of-sugar / kids-play-together possibilities that might come with this. However, instead of this lovely set-up, I’m about at my wits end!! I think the husband must be a huge gamer-- as in sitting on the couch all day in front of a gi-normous tv with speakers flanking both sides-- because all I hear, night and day, is the base of the whatever game he’s currently playing. (Mind you, we don’t live in an apartment, and our houses are not attached!)

I’ll find that during the day I have a pounding headache and then I’ll realize it’s because besides the sounds of my own house, I can hear constant rumblings and ka-booms from whatever he’s playing over there! It’s ridiculous! After the first few times I thought maybe it was only when he had friends over, but after hearing it all day now for about two weeks, and even laying in bed at 1:00 in the morning listening to it, I’m convinced this is just how they are all the time.

What would you do?? Is there a tactful way to ask them to turn it down? Am I just being a snot? I haven’t taken over the “pleased –to-meet-you” loaf of bread yet—could I say something then? I just can’t picture how to say “welcome to the neighborhood, but could you please turn it down?” without offending them and getting our neighborly relationship off to a bad start. I hope you can get to this soon… I’m running low on Advil and patience!!

Sincerely,
Living Next to the Louds

Dear Living Next to the Louds,

First off, my heartfelt sympathies. How annoying! What an invasion of your privacy! This must be a pet peeve of mine because I'm ready to go yell at your neighbors for you. You must stop this right away. The longer you let it go on, the more comfortable they become with their noisy ways. They are probably clueless as to how loud it is outside of their house.

With out delay, you need to go over and have a firm talk with one of the adults. If this was only an occasional problem I would say to mention it to them more in passing, but since it is continual, I think you can skip that step. Do not mince words. Be pleasant rather than rude, but do be very clear in how loud they are, how it is a constant problem and how it is the base that you hear the most. (Base carries the most but you can turn off base speakers easy enough.) Let them know how much it bothers you without getting too emotional. Even in you do get too emotional, fine, at least you'll make your point. Do not chicken out or soften to "could you turn it down maybe a little?" once you are speaking in front of them. If it makes you feel better to bring a loaf of bread over to butter them up, fine. Keep in mind you may have to ask them repeatedly till they get the volume level right. Persist. Be prepared to drop off a box of cookies with a note attached sweetly saying "Your speakers are still too loud. I can hear you in my sleep. I love what you've done with your front yard", if that's your style. If repeated attempts do not work, but I bet they will, I would contact your home owners association. You could go crazy and contact the police, but then you're really asking for war. I would take the path of being a kind, friendly, all be it proactive neighbor.

Readers, do we have any other ideas? Be honest, would you have a talk (or two) with your noisy neighbor or would you suffer in silence?
Wait, are you one of those noisy neighbors??

P.S. If they don't seem to believe you, or they act like you are being overly sensitive and do not adjust the situation enough, I would record the sound from your house and then play it back for them.