Uninvited

Party of One.* (That's my mom)

Dear Alisha,
So how should one feel, or think, when she knows her "friends" are having get-togethers and parties but she is never invited?

Sincerely,
Uninvited

Dear Uninvited,

There is not a soul out there who at some time has not felt left out when finding out about a get-together of friends that they were not invited to. It happens to everyone. What you should be asking yourself is if it happens often and it bothers me, what can I do about it?

I have found that who does and does not get invited to a party has little to do with how well liked the people are but rather if they "put themselves out there". People who attend many social gatherings, are friendly, and extend invitations themselves, seem to be invited the most in return. It's not always that they are better liked, but they are more outgoing and have let it be known that they want to make friends.

If it seems you are not being invited to parties and you think you should be, consider this:

-Often the host has a limited amount of space. When throwing a large party, where do you draw the line? I have a friend who throws a yearly large party and at first she invited everyone she knew. But now she knows a lot of people and the party has grown into a beast that exceeds the size of her house. She would love to invite all her friends but now limits it to those who have attended in years past as well as a couple of new people that she works closely with.

-Some parties are based on a tradition of the same people doing the same thing year after year. (Of course this can be frustrating if you want in, but just let them have their fun and find another way to get to know them.)

-Often casual get-togethers are reciprocal. I would think to invite over to dinner someone who has had me over to dinner in the past. Less daunting social inviations could include inviting children over for play dates or organizing a ladies movie night.

-I more often invite over families who have children similar in age to my children even though I enjoy the company of others without children or who have children of a different age just as much.

-There is a convenience factor. I invite and do more with the people I bump into the most. They're there and it just seems to set itself up.

-If you have turned down invites in the past, even for good reasons, people usually quit asking.

-People are not always having as much fun as you imagine. One or two parties can take place without you and it can seem like this is a repeating habit. Photos from the party will circulate for years and it will seem like this is a constant on going event. (For example, if you know some of the people in the photos of my last post and thought to yourself, hey! I wasn't invited! Relax, it was a small party about 4 years ago. I reuse footage.)

In your question I detect a whiff of victimization. I don't know why this is off putting to a host but it is. And if I can smell it, others can too. Don't be a downer, it's just not appealing. Rather than think of what you haven't been invited to, think of the half full party glass and remember the efforts people have made on your behalf.

What you can do is be social yourself. Attend what you are already invited to, be friendly and cheerful. I repeat myself, Do-not-come-off-as-a-downer. Invite people to do things with you, consider hosting your own get-together. (I say this cautiously because all hosts know, especially myself, that not all parties are well attended. I'd hate for you to make an attempt only to have your confidence smashed by low attendance, so start with something like 'let's meet for ice cream'.) If you are the bold type, it would be okay to hint to some of your social friends that you would like to do something festive with them. Do not sit on the sidelines feeling sorry for yourself, but rather take some initiative! Now no moping around, chop chop, you have work to do!

Do we have any other suggestions for our little Uninvited?
Should we tell her of all the parties we have been left out of?

*My mom is dressed for a Tacky Party in this photo. Along with my dad, they won first prize for their costumes. I am sure most of you saw his photo on Awkward Family Photos. (Only she makes the outfit believable, doesn't she?)

Socially Awkward (I've Said Too Much)

They're eating out of the palm of my hand! (I'm probably saying too much.)

Dear Alisha,
I recently noticed myself bragging about my son to some friends and felt badly about it shortly afterward. What do you suggest for recovering from such social faux-pas?

Sincerely,

Socially awkward

Dear Socially Awkward,

No one can relate to saying too much more than myself. In your case, at least you were bragging about your child. We all do it from time to time. In fact, as parents I think it is even a little expected of us. I am sure your listeners have forgotten about it by now if they even noticed it in the first place. Do not try to compensate by complaining about your child the next time you see this group of friends. (Example: "do you know who the lamest kid on the street is? Mine!" You just sound like a jerk.) Neither should you leave yourself out of the conversation for fear that you will brag again. Also, you can't talk your way out of talking too much. (I've tried.) Just move on with life and try not to brag about your son repeatedly to these same friends.

If it is any consolation, just this weekend I attended a small party and came home only to realize I had talked too much. For those of you who know me socially, yes, it was even more than usual. For those of you who don't know me socially: I was hilarious. While I wish I could go back and erase, say, 35% of what I said, I can not. Much to my chagrin, I have to live with my words and hope the rest of the party goers forget them.
I will be taking my own advice and will try to talk a little less next time.

I have to believe this happens to others. For myself, it works like this: I enjoy myself at a party, maybe get a little worked up, maybe a little showy and chatty. Then that night I'm laying in bed, and I rethink the party, chuckling to myself.. but wait? Did I really say that? Out loud? Followed by.. ? Oh dear. And then I told the ______ story. Again!
Do any of you catch yourself saying too much?
Do any of you have any solutions for when you have said too much, either in specifics or in quantity?

To make you feel better, I have included photos of myself undoubtedly saying too much.


"Surprise! Say, that reminds me...".

"Hey, did I ever tell you about the time when, during church, Jana suggested I acted like a mentally....."


It isn't hard to believe I'm going a little overboard here.
How dare they try and have a conversation with out me!!


See the sweet, demure girl in the teal dress? That's me, age 13, probably saying too much.
I don't know why I do this for you.

Nix the Necklace

Dear Alisha, Please tell me your take on necklaces on the outside of turtlenecks. I think it's hideous and looks stupid. But, I'm no fashionista such as yourself.

Sincerely,
Nix the Necklace

Dear Nix,
I do not care for a dainty short chain over a turtleneck. I think it is too precious looking. But when done right, I do like a large, chunky, mid-length or longer necklace over a turtleneck.

Sickly Sweet Valentines Day

From my boys

Prepare to be Sickened. No one has asked, but you are going to hear about my Valentines Day anyways. I put too much work into it to not blog about it. I will give you this: I can not stand sugary sweet writing and will not subject you to it just because our subject is, well, sugary sweet. Are we all settled in? Let's get this over with fast:

This picture was meant to show you what wonderous decor can be made using humble supplies..But here's the wonderous decor: I really liked the way it turned out, but when I look at the photo all I see is "blinds!"

Can we all agree that Valentine cards sold in stores, meant for children, are hideous? I have searched long and hard and find every last one of them stupid looking. Then Justin found these vintage remakes at Finnigans toy store downtown. I love how they are quirky and just slightly inappropriate. Puns.
Is this why some feminist hate Valentines Day? Chelsea?There were not enough cards for both boys to bring them to school for their classmates, so I had no choice but to make Valentines with them. Note that "we" attached one piece of candy, like the rules state. Yet my boys came home with Valentines cards attached to entire bags of candy. What is this? Halloween?

Every year I orchestrate our annual "Surprise Justin at work with Valentines" and Davy was my eager partner in crime. It is more work than you can believe, but here's the short of what you should do to attempt such a feat: a couple of days before your surprise, wash and press outfits for you and your boys, so you look your best effortlessly. Cut out and pack any decorations you wish to bring with you. One day before hand, slave away in the kitchen making treats to hand out. I baked cupcakes and sugar cookies and then hide them next door at my Polish neighbors. (Later that night I snuck next door to finish frosting the cupcakes and my chatting kept her from watching Grey's Antomy, her favorite show. She's so angry about it she can hardly speak to me anymore.) Then the day of, pack up your treats, dress your kids, don't forget to look fabulous yourself, drive to down town Portland in pouring rain, circle around looking for a parking garage, haul the treats and kids threw the parking garage and city, find your husbands work building that you have never been to, sneak in via the contact you set up and then ... surprise him!

I think Davy looks cute, a little funny, and kind of tired here, because he is all those things.Chocolate Raspberry Cupcakes

I make these every single year with out fail. I don't know why I even bothered to take a new picture. Rachel points out that she has (man) handled this background paper while at the craft store.
After Surprise Justin At Work day was a singing success, we went out on a date Saturday night. I'll skip most of the details but I will say that Valentines is my husbands favorite holiday and he makes sure and covers his bases with flowers, chocolates, lingerie (see below)*,thoughtful card, dinner, and we caught a movie. But this isn't really about him.

By day 3 of Celebration! I had reached my fill, here's our lovely breakfast. I resisted the urge to put a pile of fresh spinach on each plate for nutrition.
I had high plans of setting a really nice Valentines Dinner table, I have all the linens for heavens sake. So much pink and red and pink and white and heart shaped dishes and china with little hearts, but I was done by the time dinner rolled around and we ate off plain white plates. Like loveless peasants.

I wanted a cute picture of all three boys but for some reason I joined in. I can't tell you how humbling it is to think you look really good, flirty, maybe even a little mysterious in your frothy pink dress, covered with a blazer, only to see yourself looking like a round-faced dorky mom over and over again in each photo. Since there was no good photo of all 4 of us, I chose this one because I look comparatively less dorky and Whitman looks so cute and eager.
So that is it. The end.

How was your Valentines Day?
What did your signif do? Or not do? I'd like to hear if anyone had a spectacularly bad weekend.

What I really want to ask is why do so many people say "we don't celebrate Valentines Day because it's not really a holiday? -blah, blah, invented by card companies." What holiday really is a holiday then? Halloween? Christmas? Mothers Day? I think it's an excuse because the person talking feels awkward making loving gestures. Or is lame. I like both the romance and the sweet childhood innocence of it all.
It doesn't have to take a lot of effort. Buy fresh flowers and kiss her, for heaven's sake.

*That was a joke! As if.

Tired of Trying

Dear Alisha,

How do you get your beautiful boys to eat their vegetables?

Sincerely,

Tired-of-trying

Dear Tired-of-trying,

Why wouldn't my kids eat their vegetables? When they turn six months old it's their first food with flavor. As toddlers I cut them into little strips and give them dip to further entice. By the time they are kids, they already like them. Since they are served at most meals, they don't question it and just eat them. Still, I thought of you as my kids fought for the last brussel sprout at dinner tonight. Where did you go wrong? What can we do to help you fix your situation? Are your children entirely to blame?

I will say that I am not the type of mother that would even consider making a separate meal for her kids because they might not like my adult food. Please. I barely have the patience to produce one meal, let alone two. They eat what we eat. It would not occur to them to live otherwise. But because of this, my kids like most types of food and are not picky eaters. Admittedly genetics might play a small role as Justin and are were always "good eaters" growing up. I just don't want you to think your kids are the first kids to be picky, fussy eaters, and give up and start throw them yogurt melts and "vegetable" puffs instead.

Eating vegetables with out complaint has not been a perfect road traveled. Once Trevor turned 6 he had the nerve not to like mushy vegetables. Davy is a slightly fussier eater: he does not like mushrooms or beans. (Yes, beans are not a veggie, but they are good for you.) I have conceded to serve Trevor's carrots raw and I am still picking Davy's mushrooms out of his soup. But that is my limit!

Here are a few basic tips for tricking kids into enjoying vegetables:
-Make them taste good. Do not over cook them and leave them salt less and taste less. I am not above smothering any vegetable in cheese for children. They would be eating the cheese anyways. I am happy to report that Davy has moved from loathing beans to eating a few of them when smothered in cheese.

-I find most of the time my kids don't like a food initially, it is because of the texture. So try cutting them differently or cooking them less. Trevor is now eating cooked carrots again as long a they are not over cooked and mushy.

-Go ahead and serve the vegetables they do like more often. You are only human.

-Persistence helps. If they do not like some veggies, just keep serving them anyways. Strongly encourage them to try at least one bite. And then drop it. Do not dwell on it so they decide they don't like that vegetable. Seeing them at the table and seeing you eat them normalizes the vegetables.

-Assume kids will eat veggies and they usually will. If they don't, move on with out making a huge deal out of it. Also, if they take a bite of a veggie they have not previously liked, say 'nice job', but don't get crazy and start crying or offer prayers of thanks. You want them to think that eating veggies is part of normal, every day life, because it is.

-No vegetables, no dessert.

When my (beautiful) children do not get enough vegetables in their diet, I am the one to blame. It is because I assume they would rather have meat or junk and I am too lazy to prepare the veggies and make them enticing. Just this weekend I learned a lesson regarding this subject. My next-door-neighbor's children were over to watch a movie on Friday night. We do this every week and every week I serve up popcorn with the movie, which my children love. My neighbor offered to bring over veggies for the kids to snack on during the movie. She is German and I figured she didn't know any better and I would just make popcorn for the kids when they complained. I never heard a single complaint and the kids ate the entire large bowl of raw veggies and apples (no dip). See? I just need to raise my expectations and serve up veggies more often.

Oh, to ramble, I think kids should see that they are eating veggies. Meaning books like Deceptively Delicious that hide the veggies into other foods are a good way of including additional veggies but otherwise defeat half the purpose. That purpose being teaching kids life-long healthy habits. And really, how much good nutrition is the 2 tbsp of spinach puree per batch really adding? If it makes you feel better, try as I might, I can't get either of my older boys to like sweet potatoes.

Does anyone have any additional advice or comments? Would you like to argue why veggies puffs should be taken seriously?

In short: keep serving veggies, encourage, eat them yourself, and relax. It's not like they are going to die from lack of veggies, unless of course they are eating hotdogs every day instead.

Oh! And if you are the interested type, my husband has posted about our son's newly and it's-about-time diagnosed blood disorder on our family site here.

Love and (germ) War

I love Valentines Day. And since no one has asked me any appropriate questions on the subject, I will ask you one. A question that has weighed me for almost a year now. But first, my story:
Last Valentines I was very pregnant but was feeling jolly and generous. I decided to have a couple of friends over who also had kids the same age as my youngest for a mini-Valentines party of sorts. My plan was to let the kids frost a few cookies, eat them, then go play while the mothers frosted, decorated, and attractively packed heart shaped sugar cookies.

In preparation I had bought the necessary sprinkles, tags, bags, ribbons and paper.
The night before, after the kids were in bed, I cleaned the kitchen and then carefully baked a double large batch of sugar cookies. It took a few hours, which is like a few days when you are pregnant, but I was prepared for what was sure to be a delightful next morning.

Then, tragedy struck. Trevor woke up early the next morning with a fever and complaints that his stomach hurt. I called off the party. What else could I do? My guests understood. But that left me with 3 trays full of unfrosted sugar cookies and let down expectations.
~Pause and ask yourself, What Would I Have Done? (WWIHD) Would you proceed and frost the cookies, not knowing if your son's illness would soon infect the rest of the house? Would you have thrown out the cookies? Who would you be frosting the cookies for anyways?~

Party of one.

Since I was stuck at home for the day, I proceeded to make the frosting and frost the cookies. I made sure to keep Trevor out of the kitchen and I changed all hand towels and wiped down door knobs, but still I was paranoid that we would all get sick and that if I handed out the cookies I could be spreading more than loving well wishes. I did not know if I would actually hand them out. Frosting them all and then packing them took most of the rest of the day. I suggested to Justin that I call intended friends and explain my situation and would they still like the cookies? He said it was a terrible idea.

My question for you is, would you want the cookies? Would you eat them if you knew they were made in a house that contained a sick child? Would you have handed out the cookies yourself? (WWIHD?)

To me, no matter how delicious the dessert, it is NEVER worth the risk of getting sick. But I was really careful and he was never near the cookies. But, but , but..
In the end I let Justin take them to work to hand out, something he enjoys.
p.s. Trevor recovered just fine, he never threw up, and no one else got sick. But I could not have known that.

Insert your own caption here: (further proof that I need to wear lip gloss).

A sampling of the finished (contaminated?) products

Oh My Gosh You Look Just Like Her!!

Warning: this will be lame and shallow. But you expect a posting, I am a little dizzy, and this is what you get. And you'll eat it up.

Yes, it's been Doppleganger week on facebook and though I think it's over, most moms are just now catching on. (Hi Mom!) I get told I look like a lot of people, more so when I was younger and dealt with the public. What I think they really meant was "Oh my gosh you look a hint like her and have dark hair". To qualify for my shortened list of look-a-likes, I have had to be told I look like this celebrity at least 3 times.

Jana insists I look like her. I'm not flattered.



















My sisters use to say Fran. I least they didn't say I sounded like her. (I recently heard she was appointed as an international ambassador. Can you imagine what that country must think Americans sound like?)

"And you make me think of her too!" Really? I'm guessing it's my charming sarcasm rather than heavy drinking. But I think she's really funny. Turn the Tub Around!!




Oh no. Not her again. I'm the Poor-Man's-Stacey Clinton, of Hillsboro.



















I want you to notice a pattern here: loud mouth jewish women. And then there was Audrey Tautou. I have never seen and hope never to see The Divenchy Code, but I heard it a lot when Amelie came out.
Like I would wear that haircut.

Lastly, who does Janalee look like? She has heard Lisa Kudrow but does not find that flattering. Let's help her out.

Comment on what ever you want. Please. Feel free to tell me who you get told you look like but do not like the comparison.

The end.