Special Treat: my 8th grade class photo.*Dear Alisha,
Whenever I go to Young Women's (I'm 12) I don't feel like myself. I can't even start a conversation. My mom asked a very talkative lady for advice, so we had a practice conversation. She said that I need to spice it up more and ask questions to the person I'm talking to. Lucky for me I have mutual tonight so I can practice my conversation skills.
There's also this girl who I feel judges my every move, she's can also be very snotty to me. She seems to act like she knows everyone and everything. Unfortunately, her mom is a YW leader so it's not like I can just come up to her and start trash talking when she is having one of her "snotty" moments (just kidding I wouldn't do that, or would I?).
Do you know how I can be myself? How am I supposed to treat this snotty girl? How do I start a conversation without feeling uncomfortable?
Sincerely,
Junior High Blues
Dear Junior High Blues,
First off, you're in good company. I think almost all women felt uncomfortable and very self aware at your age. Between the ages of 12- 13 or 14 I remember not only caring what others thought of me, but worrying about it. I didn't have the problem of not being able to start a conversation -I had the opposite, which has to be worse. I would catch myself saying the dumbest things, particularly around older teens, and then think "why did I say that? She's going to think I'm an idiot! She'll never forget that I said something so stupid!" I'm pretty sure no one but me ever remembered any of my silly comments. It's okay to make a mistake and say the wrong thing.
This might not be very helpful, but around age 14 I relaxed. I quit worrying about whether this person or that person that I barely knew thought I was cool or not. I liked what I was doing and that mattered more. When I started relaxing, I had more fun. It made it easier to be myself and make friends. I don't know how to tell you to relax. I can only say that everyone your age is in the same boat. They're all worried that they are saying the wrong thing or that no one's noticing them for the right reasons. The meaner they are, the more the insecure they are.
I would not put pressure on yourself to be Mrs. Chatty-Pants. If you have something to say, say it. Otherwise it is okay to listen to others and be pleasant. Before you know it, you'll feel comfortable enough to join in and even lead the conversation.
About your know-it-all snotty friend, are you talking about me?? Kidding. I bet she feels self conscious/insecure and her way of dealing with it is by being overly talkative and meddling. It sounds like she might be trying to test you as a friend. This might sound impossible, but try not to let her get to you. Don't stoop to her petty level by being catty or snotty yourself. Your good example might wear off on her and she might become kinder and nicer in time, as she starts to feel more comfortable. Or she might stay a snot and you'll just have to put up with her. In that case, she probably won't ever be your best friend. You should still be nice to her but I would look to find nicer friends.
Lastly, there are a lot of funny things that happen in Junior High and YWs. Try to enjoy the good times and see the humor in the situation and "ignore the haters". It will all be over before you know it.
Do any of my readers have further advice? Can we cure the Junior High Blues?
My junior high friends. It appears we are dancing in front of a choir and we're enjoying it. Let's call this photo "let the good times roll".
* I couldn't find my 7th grade photo, which I promise is equally bad if not worse. This photo is a family favorite. My siblings find it framed on the Christmas tree each year for their annual snicker.
13 comments:
I think Alisha said it perfectly. I will only add that your age is a tough one! Girls are terribly mean and even in the places that are meant to build us up (like church) girls can be horrible. It's hard to have the confidence in yourself, but remember: "this too shall pass".
I remember my freshman year in high school, I was in an advanced choir - one with only 8 other freshmen. One day I sneezed during class and I was shocked when instead of getting disgusted looks like "ew gross! I can't believe you sneezed!" someone said "bless you". I know that sounds dumb but JR high schoolers sometimes lack common courtesies like that, but life gets better. Much better! I promise.
my parents are in that picture! Amd Verlene - I forgot about her. I'll have to alert my mom. Too bad I never joined choir and had all the fun with you guys. What were you singing?
the hairstyles in that last photo make me LAH!! and i think i recognize most of those people but don't ask me any names.
LAH (laugh all hard) - that's rez talk for LOL
Oh boy! I think Reina gets the Hair award!!
Look how young everybody looks. When you were a kid, all the "old" people seemed really old.
Now I realize I am probably the age many of them were then, now!
Yes Heather! I thought the same thing. I also noticed how pretty the other mothers are that I thought were old people at the time.
During my young women years I moved 3 times and every time it seem to take about half a year to a year to be myself and find my nitch in the group. I think the best way to feel comfortable is to compliment people, make sure it genuine. I know it sounds weird but that helped me relax and make friend the quickest.
Great advice, Alisha...excellent!! So nice to hear how early you found your way to self-confidence. It has made you into a beautiful woman. (And by the way, your previous post, about the party...oh, my dear...I may have to make a special visit to Oregon for that kind of pampering! It was just beautiful...all of it!)
True, the picture is our favorite! But only because it is so opposite of who you are now. More confident, and grown up. It wouldn't be funny if you stayed in the awkward years as an adult!
The picture's a screamer! I think you girls are singing "Mister Sandman". At the yearly ward Christmas concert? Great advise, I remember not feeling at all confident in jr high either, and usually I am. It grows on you. Just make good friends and be nice to the mean ones if you possibly can. You can stand up for yourself, just don't dish out meanness.
I would like to exchange links with your site dearalisha.blogspot.com
Is this possible?
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