(Jana has been getting after me to answer more questions, even if they might only be interesting to a small crowd. "People can't wait for answers forever", she threatens. Is that really what the people want?)
Dear Alisha,
I was recently in a situation where I was stuck waiting in a public place around many strangers, and while most people occupied themselves quietly, there was one 20-something woman who had several foul-mouthed phone conversations, in which she discussed, among other things, all the annoying people she'd encountered that day. I spent the next several minutes pondering the many ways I could handle the situation. Should I pull out my own phone and have a fake conversation about how I was stuck listening to a loud, obnoxious woman? Should I politely remind her that we could all hear her, whether or not we wanted to? Should I get up and move? But really, I couldn't really move that far for the time being. I started wondering "What would Alisha do? I bet Alisha would have some witty way of tactfully approaching her."
So there's your question. What would you do in this situation? How do your readers view this type of situation? Is it just an unfortunate thing we must endure in our society, or is there a way of tactfully letting others know that we do not appreciate their choice of words?
Sincerely,
Sensitive Ears
Dear Sensitive Ears,
Me? Tactful? You obviously are not a member of my book club. (Though you could be, it's open to anyone.) Don't we all hate being in that situation? It's like we're trapped in a bad conversation, feeling powerless to get out.
Depending on the day, here's how I would have handled it: try to ignore her. If that failed, I'd listen for extremes in her complaints so I could re-tell my story of suffering later. At least I'd get a story out of it! Or, on a more aggressive day I would have made eye contact with her and mouthed the words "we can hear you". That failing, I would have listened carefully to what she was saying, how could I tune it out? Then once she was off the phone, on the train and within ear shot of me, I would strike up a conversation with a fellow traveler who had suffered her foul mouthed complaints along with me. In this conversation I would repeat, as closely as I could with out swearing, her exact stories and complaints as if they were my own. This might sound far-fetched but I can start up a conversation with almost anyone and when I'm cranky I'm willing to act on my convictions, if you know what I mean. I think she would get the message. And hopefully not beat me up.
Readers, does this type of thing happen often to you? My husband takes the Max, Portland's train, twice a day, but he always has earphones in and the real world tuned out. He's only brought me one or two funny stories.
What's the funniest/weirdest/most note worthy thing you've heard while taking public transportation?
Does Sensitive Ears have the right to be bothered by this? I think she does.
11 comments:
If my kids aren't with me, I let it go. If someone's so socially oblivious or inconsiderate that they talk about private things in public, loudly, around loads of other people, I doubt they'll take kindly to your reprimand.
If my kids are with me, I usually have the benefit (or bad fortune?) of one of them asking - very loudly - why that person's talking like that. Though it doesn't usually shut the offender up, sometimes I get sympathy from other bystanders. Either way I can address the issue of bad language and bad manners with my kids.
Everyone, I think is bothered by things like that. I just had a similar situation. I was flying home from Virginia to Arizona just me and my two boys under 3. Our plane was delayed 3 hours. Needless to say I was stressed out. I had packed away all my sons formula, because we were supposed to be home in time for him to eat again, it was dinner time for my older son and I, and nap time for my younger son. Luckily my kids were being extremely well behaved, much more so than I would have expected. It was obvious to me I was being blessed while in this difficult situation. There was a girl, probably 19 that kept making phone calls to whomever and crying and cursing very loudly. Everyone was looking at her absolutely annoyed. Everyone was annoyed with the situation but it was making it worse having to listen to this. I was getting compliments left and right from people telling me how well behaved my children were and how nice it was to see someone be so patient (all very nice things, but I was certainly getting some help from above). The longer this went on the more I realized how glad I am to know I can be in control of my emotions and reactions. This girl was driving everyone crazy! I don't mean this story to sound like I'm bragging/complaining. I was just in a similar situation recently.
Here's the kicker though, people that do this don't care that they do and if you mention something to them they get offended and act like you are the one with the problem. In this situation I think you just have to TRY to ignore the person and have a good story later. If you say anything to them it just makes it worse.
Give one of these http://www.amazon.com/Knock-Cell-Citation-Note-Pad/dp/B001U0YTOC
hahaha! I'd like to hear Alisha repeat the story, sans swearing, within earshot of the offender! That'd make for an even better re-telling of the whole affair later. And I bet the offender would be so surprised that they wouldn't know how to react.
Ha! I love the cell phone citations! I'm ordering them. I think I would just grin and bare it... Unless there are children around. Then I would say : "Please remember that there are children hearing every single word you're saying", even if the children aren't mine.
I yelled at a homeless man, cursing loudly walking past Viv and I this week.
However, my very kind next door neighbor has terrets. He gets a pass.
Alisha, you were passive/aggressive like this as a girl, too. And you always got away with it. Loudly from the other room, "Niki, you know Mom said not to get that out!"
(This so she wouldn't get in trouble for tattling). When I read the question, memories flowed through my brain and I nailed your answer before I read it. HAH! Frankly, in this day and age, I think it is the best way. But then, I'm passive/aggressive, too.
"Judy", (mom)- remember I started with the aggressive approach of mouthing the words "we can hear you". Then if that failed I'd follow with the passive aggressive imitation of her conversation. I really prefer being aggressive, but people don't always go for it.
i agree w jana - more posts! MORE POSTS!!
and i always have my headphones on unless i am with friends, and if this were to happen and i was with friends i would do the same - talk about it right in front of her, but not to her.
I don't know why it is, but in situations like that I can *not* help but say things like, "Um, would you mind not using those F-bombs right now? I really don't want my child to start parroting you." (In fact, that is word for word what I said to someone last month in a public pool area.) I've had to teach myself to be less aggressive with my big mouth over the years. It got me into too many troubling situations. I was (embarrassingly) well known with my friends for not having any shame when it came to telling off strangers. For instance, (this is a VERY mild example...) to the creepy guy who hitting on me who came and sat down next to me in my booth at Denny's? (loudly) "Get away from me-I'm gay!" This was in my early 20's...nowadays I guess I would just tell him to move along. Wrong booth, buddy.
To add to this "gift" of gab, I've always had this thing where I feel like I HAVE to speak up when I witness what I think is an injustice. To me, you anybody. It's definitely got me into some sticky situations. I shudder to remember!
Oh, and more posts, please! Also, let me be the lucky duck who gets to publish your inevitable book :-)
I was so inspired by Alisha this weekend. So it doesn't actually have to do with bad language as much as a well timed and worded phone call. After driving to 5 Redboxes on Saturday night to find one that had "Iron Man 2" (My husband wanted to see it not me) we finally used the Redbox app and found one that had it. So I sat in the car while he ran to the machine to get the movie.
Sadly, there were some very choosy people there and we sat there for about 20 minutes! After a while there were 2 people in line behind my husband so I finally called him and said "this is your opportunity to tell me how long they're taking, and that you're sorry". At first he didn't get it but then he caught on and elaborated a little bit more. Within a minute or two they finished up and selected their movies! Mission accomplished.
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