We're Not Twins

from Awkwardfamilyphotos.com

Dear Alisha,

What's the right thing to do when two friends like the same piece of clothing, such as a dress? What if a friend posts a picture of a dress on her blog and I like it? Should I ask if she plans to buy it and only go forward if she doesn't? What if I like a dress but need to save money before I can afford it? Is there a way to call dibs? Or is that tacky? Advice, please.

Sincerely,
We're Not Twins

Dear WNT,

With most things in life, if you sit around waiting to see who will claim the prize and who's feathers you might ruffle, you'll miss out. If you and a friend like the same dress, buy the dress! There is a chance that she was just admiring the dress and will back out, leaving you the victor. But even if she buys the same dress herself, what's the big deal? I am sure you both look different in your dresses, you do not share all of the same friends, and you are grown women who do not need to worry about such trivial things as being a copy cat.

If you are feeling especially nice you and you know she likes the dress and you aren't shopping together, (if, if, if) you might say something like "I love that blue denim jumper from Wal-mart too, and I was planning on ordering it".

About calling dibs, I don't know if it can officially be done. You might want to praise the dress and then say how you plan on buying it when you can afford it so as to deter any other potential buyers. Just don't be offended if they show up in the dress first [see first sentence]. "Oh that leopard print maxi-dress is to die for! Just so you all know, I am going to buy it just as soon as I get my settlement!"

On a personal note, I have the same pieces of clothing as a number of my friends, but none so much as with Angie. Here's how it happened: I would wear a new article of clothing around Angie, she would compliment me on it, ask lots of questions about it, and then a week later she would show up wearing the same thing. Despite being taller than me, Angie is also 2 sizes smaller. Still, I was never offended or minded. In fact I was flattered that I made the clothes look so appealing.

The way we were.*

*One more note, I would eat off Angie's plate and sample her food. If you can't eat from the spoon of your obsessive compulsive-dental hygienist-best friend, who can you share spoons with?

Awkward Family Photo

People tell me I am photogenic.

Dear Alisha,

How can I look better in my pictures?

In 99.9% of the pictures I'm in, I hate the way I look. I hide behind my camera clicking away at my children so often that there's little proof I do anything with them. I never ask strangers to take our picture.

Though it seems like Justin's the lead photographer in your family, surely you have some tips. (Or ask him and claim them as your own. We'll never know.) Your photos are beautiful. And even when you try to look laughable, you're usually not that bad (see Reluctant Gardener).

Sincerely,

Awkward Family Photo

Dear Awkward ,

I am not an expert photographer in any way, but I do like looking at flattering photos of myself. (What? I'll admit it. Who doesn't?) For times sake I will focus just on you getting your picture taken, and not necessarily a posed group photo session. To avoid making any new enemies, I will only use photos of myself, for better or worse, to illustrate. You've been warned. Here is what I have come up with:

1. Take lots and lots of photos. In our digital age, there is no need to be sparing when trying to capture a flattering shot. If you want one good shot, take 50, quickly with a variety of subtle head turns and angles. With out exaggeration, there have been many times when Justin has snapped shot after unflattering shot of me and in the end there is one precious gem that cuts through the muck and is an acceptably flattering photo.

I get a lot of shots like this one, above. But take enough photos and there may be one decent like this shot below. Then that is the only photo I will show the world, unless of course there is a chance I can get a laugh out of a bad photo.

2. Figure out how to hold your face to play up your best features and to minimize your problem areas. Let me explain by telling you what can go wrong in a photo with my own face. My face can look round or heavy, my chin can disappear, and my nose can stick out (no! really!). So I make sure to project my chin/jaw forward without lifting my face up. You will feel a little silly doing this but it really works. I tilt my head down slightly so that you focus on my eyes rather than looking up my nose. I pull my nose back. I can only tell you how to do this by saying it is the opposite of sticking your nose out and flaring your nostrils. (See top, goofy photo)

I do lift my eyebrows just a little bit, it opens up my eyes. Imagine your whole face and neck being pulled up on a string. I do give a natural but not crazy smile, anything else looks too planned. Some people need to beware of over smiling which can make your eyes squint or show too much gums.

Almost everyone prefers photos of themselves taken at a 3/4 face angle rather than straight on. Unless you have a perfectly symmetrical face, that is, and pretty much nobody does.

Seeing how I was 8 months pregnant here, I had no choice but to give the camera a 3/4th's face turn and open my mouth slightly.

You probably have different face issues than me. I recommend practicing. Yes this sounds vain and it is. But you need to learn what angles work better, whether to slightly tilt your chin down (like most people), how to "smile with your eyes" (I hate that phrase!) or which side is your "good side". Practice in the mirror for a few indulgent minutes then study which pictures of yourself do and do not work and why.

I think I have made this sound harder than it is, but once you get it, you're set for life.

Justin was thrilled when he captured this photo of me practicing my "mirror face" or posing, as if I should be embarrassed.
But here is the alternative....
So cute! Jana asked me to take this photo, so blame her. Note that I am thrusting down my neck muscles, the opposite of what I recommend, and just see the results.

3. Too much makeup. You know your friend that wears way too much make-up and looks cakey and terrible in real life? (If you're shaking your head no, then that friend is probably you.) Then you see that same friend in a photo and you are surprised at how good she looks? Make-up gets washed out in photos. I think you need to wear a little extra makeup for a photography session. I do NOT recommend this for every day life because you live in everyday life and we all have to look at you. But for photos put on some extra eyeliner and shadow, blush for contouring, and for heavens sake do not forget lip gloss.

4. Lighting is key. I haven't mastered it. Here's what I do know: flashes generally are not very flattering. Never let yourself be lite from underneath. ((shudder)) On America's Next Top Model they always say "find your light", which means see where the light is coming from and take a second to put yourself where it will hit a good part of your face. Really harsh lighting, like noon day sun, is terrible. The best time of day for outdoor lighting is "the magic hour", that's when the sun has just started to go down and the light is warm but not direct. It is hard to catch but that lighting is gold.

Don't I look natural here? Wrong! I have a ton of makeup on. I am sitting next to a window for the light -oldest trick in the book.

Lastly, when a magazine takes pictures of an overweight woman they want to make look glamorous, they take the picture above her with her looking up, she has a massive amount of makeup on, and her mouth is open to elongate her face. Just saying.

Do any of you have tips to share?
Can any one "shed some light" on how to set yourself up with flattering lighting?

Space Please

Illustration from fastcompany.com

Dear Alisha,

I'm thinking about my upcoming high school reunion, and realized that there's bound to be a lot of social hugging expected. Truth is that I'm just not comfortable hugging these people! But I don't want to appear stand-offish. Any ideas how I can tactfully get out of obligatory hugs?

Sincerely,
Space Please

Dear Space Please,

Take if from me, the more you over-think a hug, the more awkward future hugging will become.

I can think of two occasions in my own life that illustrate this. The first happened when I was a young teen. I cannot remember the exact people involved, but I was with a small group of close friends saying goodbye and hugging out-of-towners. I did not know the people enough to merit a hug under normal circumstances. At then end of the hugging line one of the grown men offered me a mercy hug. Awkwardly I gave a quick hug, reaching up because he was tall. Then someone (who? I can't remember who!) said something like "usually when you hug men that aren't your husband you don't put your arms around their neck", not in a quiet voice either. I was mortified.

After that I had reason to worry about hugs. Fortunately no hugging occasion besides grandparent visits presented itself. Then in High School I had a male friend, and only a friend, who was moving away and my group of friends were going to have a going away party for him. I knew that at the end of this party we would all say goodbye and hug him. This really worried me. A couple of days before the party I tried to study how other people hugged. Girls were easy enough, but boys in a non-boyfriend situation were impossible! If I put my arms around on his shoulders and neck that might send the wrong message. But would putting my arms around his waist be any better?

As predicted, my friends started hugging him goodbye. Frantically I watched how each person hugged. But it all went so fast I couldn't tell what went where! It was my turn. If I staled and tried to get into the perfect hugging position, that would only draw more attention and make things worse. Quickly I gave him a short half hug and it was over. Such a relief. I hugged a male and it went just fine!

Maybe you could practice quick hugs on a friend. If you live in Oregon, Justin is available. He is not really a hugger either so you'll have to initiate. If you live in Arizona, Janalee loves giving hugs as often as she can! My Idaho readers should try Angie, she likes post-work out hugs. But not Nick, who prefers chest bumps. Utah readers, try out a hug with Becky. Warning: she is the reason Christian Side Hugs were invented, if you know what I mean.

Bad idea because it is too deliberate and weird: Christian Side Hugs. They are ridiculous in a way that only southern Christians can dream up. If you don't know what I'm talking about, check them out here.

I am trying to troubleshoot any possible problems for you. It is unlikely but if your hugger starts to linger, a quick pat on the back with your hugging arm lets them know the hug is over. If you absolutely can not bare to hug someone (i.e. they have been drinking too much, they're covered in cat hair, an old flame that you might enjoy hugging a little too much) a handshake with arm pat is acceptable.

No snuggly-hugs. This photo kills me every time. I can't believe I am saying this, but I suggest you follow Bush's example with his left arm half hug.

I am not a hugger either and would prefer to skip most hugs. But now I can hug freely and comfortably, even if it's not my favorite way to greet a friend.

Back to your question. The half-hug, slight lean in with one arm is your answer. Not too personal, not too close, but not stand-offish either. I am not going to lie to you, you are going to have to hug a few people at your high school reunion. Not everyone at your reunion will want to hug you. But we ALL know there are plenty of huggers out there and they are sure to get the ball rolling. That doesn't mean you have to start going cat lady crazy and hugging everyone you see. Your job is just to reciprocate the hug when it is offered. It will only take a second and you can go about enjoying your night.

But what about you? With out judgment I ask:
How do you feel about hugs? Who among you are frequent huggers?

How to Judge a Book: Hats Off

Did this post on book covers leave you begging for more? (yes, yes) Then I am happy to oblige.

Today's post is dedicated to women wearing hats on the cover of books. It was not just the Reluctant Cowgirl, this seems to be a common phenomenon. As a (proud) disclaimer, I have not read any of these books and the following opinions are based solely on reading their back covers and my own good skills at assessing a situation.

I am going to skip naming the target audience for each book as they are all a similar audience: nostalgic, christian (usually), accessory and pun loving Romantics.

Hmmmm, gloves, pearl necklaces, old-timey flower print dress, mountains in the background... yet somethings still missing. Needs more hat!!

"Good golly! I forgot to wear my hat and had to have it photoshopped in", mused Lauralee.

Trying to come off as classy, Cara had the good sense to take off her straw hat for the picture and to put on her best 80's prairie dress. But she lost all pretense of refinement when she named her book "Cornhusker Dreams". Are you even trying Cara??

Hey! This post is dedicated to hat wearing women! Okay your puns qualify you for sneaking in. (Bonus: she suffers from memory loss)

Here's a real snippet from the back cover:"The long, lean deputy couldn't hide his fascination with the mystery lady he'd discovered. Something about her vulnerability, her wistfulness drew Brady Donovan as no one else ever had. In fact, when she left the hospital, he named her "Lass" and brought her to his family's ranch to finish recuperating..... In the end, would Brady's own heart be lost…or found?"

When I found this next series of books at Winco, I said aloud "jackpot". Get this: these books are Amish Romance Novels, many of which take place in Oregon. Who is their target audience? Correct me if I am wrong, but the Amish do not shop at stores. So this must be for non-Amish readers who want to relive romance through the eyes and life of the Amish. (Jana!)

What? Is he checking me out? It's like that perv is looking right through my hat.

Here is a case where the cover tells the whole story. Typical sweet girl falls for bad-boy sheep farmer. Again, a snippet straight from the back cover:

"In Never Far From Home, fifteen-year-old Emma Miller finishes school, starts her own wool business, and is longing for someone to court. When the object of her affection is a handsome English sheep farmer, with a fast truck and modern methods, her deacon father, Simon, knows he has more than the farm alliance to worry about."

And buttons. Don't forget that the handsome English sheep farmer uses buttons-"the devil's fastener". (Colbert's joke.)

Okay, I think I got this down by now. Turn my head to the left, stare at something in the distance while looking wistful but happy, ..no no! Not that happy!..now nod towards others who are also wearing hats.
From the back cover:"Jolene Yoder returns to Indiana to teach lip reading and sign language to the newly deaf Amish man Lonnie Hershberger. As she begins falling for Lonnie, Jolene wonders if she'll ever see 'signs' of his love for her.... Who will end up with whom as these cousins face challenges in love and life?"
Cousins?

Two hats for the price of one. This book is a Mennonite romance. So much classier.
Why isn't the horse wearing a hat?

Finally, my gift to you:

The Reluctant Gardener

I asked Justin if this hat was hot. No. Not at all.
Remind me never to have my picture taken with a high-wasted apron on again.Why is my arm so beefy?
Has anyone read any of these featured books?
Would anyone read any of these featured books?
Tell me everything.
Better yet, do you have any hat wearing book covers to contribute to my collection?

p.s. I kind of like the Amish, so don't be sending me Amish backlash hate mail.

Mama Knew Best

from deorativepackingblog.om

Dear Alisha,

You seem to appreciate the finer traditions of generations past. Not only do you love vintage classics, like our mothers and grandmothers before us, you wear a hostess apron on weekday afternoons, set your dinner table with full and proper place settings, and don lipstick and heels to walk to the mailbox. So I have to wonder – what’s your opinion on the traditional Mother’s Day corsage?

When I was a kid, if a mother came to church without a corsage from her children, the whole family went on everybody’s prayer list. Now I live out West and almost nobody buys one. What happened? Is this something the pioneers left behind when they crossed the plains? I understand that with a wave of an unmanicured hand, they turned in their ruffled aprons, tossed out their Revlon “Love That Red,” and took up wearing sensible shoes? But why get rid of the flowers, especially when they’re a tribute to a woman’s own mother? (Here’s how it works. You choose the flowers for your mother’s corsage based on whether her mother is living or dead. If her mother is living, she wears roses in pink or red. If her mother has crossed over, she wears white or yellow roses or an orchid.)

In truth, I’m not sure how I feel about wearing a real flower. Though I love my cardigans with fabric corsages. Just wanted your opinion. And maybe your mom’s. And your aunt’s. And your favorite aunt’s. And your real favorite aunt’s. And your grandma with the big rings. Your family is so entertaining!

Sincerely,
Mama Knew Best


Dear Mama Knew Best,

First let me kiss your precious, sweet cheeks. You envision me living the life that I imagine myself to live. I would love to be the woman that saunters off to check her mail while wearing lipstick and heels in a seasonal day dress. In reality I slump over in jeans, wedges, and minimal makeup. Maybe once a week do I come close to achieving the grooming standards of a 1950's mom during the day. So thank you. Thank you.

Back to your question: I love old fashioned corsages!! I love almost anything with fresh flowers. On mother's day it seems fitting to be framed and garnished in a fresh flower or three. So why has this tradition been faltering? Growing up my mother usually had a flower corsage. I don't think my father put a lot of effort into planning and arranging it but rather he was at the grocery store on Saturday night before Mother's Day, there would be a stack near the registers to remind him and he would snatch one up. While we could blame the grocery stores for not stocking them this time of year like they use to, I am sure they'd say they ceased because lack of demand. Maybe corsages started to look frumpy or old fashioned in the wrong way to some? Maybe the new, independent woman wants her flowers on the table and not burdening her body? Maybe like other "hassles" such as up-dos, ironing, or hand written cards, we decided to simplify?

I will tell you this: I will proudly wear a corsage this Mother's Day. Either pinned to a sweater or adorning my wrist, I will flaunt my feminine but ruling status as Mother. Other acceptable options would be flaunting a new piece of jewelery with a gem the size of a small flower bud.

I will admit this: if I were a man I would a little overwhelmed by trying to meet all the Mother's Day Expectations. Breakfast in bed, flowers and/or corsage, dinner, taking care if the kids, giving mom 'the day off', sentimental card, a meaningful gift, and if you don't do it than it says you don't appreciate your wife. *sigh* [What I really want for Mother's Day is a clean house and to sleep in that morning. I wouldn't turn a gift down. Plus now I've committed myself to wearing a corsage... Poor Justin.]

I think I'll do a post about what we don't want for Mother's Day. (Messy kitchens and lengthy talks about what other incredible mothers are doing that you are not.)

Thank you for the lesson on what the colors of corsages mean. I love that it is to honor your own mother!

So how about it reader: what happened to corsages? Would you wear one? Family, we expect answers from you especially.

Predictably, Etsy is just crawling with felt wool corsages. Here are a few non-perishable corsages:

Vintage silk flowers from Esty seller Songsfromtheheart.


Velvet Violets from Etsy seller Collageartstudio.


If you like a little whacky with your vintage, from etsy seller dime store delights.

I would wear these red velvet flowers from seller beckonline.


If want to make your own corsage and don't mind wearing coffee filters, fancifultwist.com has instructions for you.

These next two are perishable. I love how arranged flowers are kept in the refrigerator until needed and when you go to get them out the fridge smells like green flowers.

From FTD , I can almost smell "Enchantment".

Men, don't be offended if your wife picks off shiny ribbon before wearing the corsage you give her. Women, do not point it out if your corsage doesn't match your outfit. Wear it anyways or change your clothes.

Fresh and springy from westvanflorist.com