images from marthastewartweddings.comDear Alisha,
A friend has asked me to bake some desserts for her wedding. I agreed. I got the recipe from her and wound up spending about $50 on these things (she is not reimbursing) which is way more than I thought it would cost. Money is extremely tight for us right now and normally I would only spend about $20 for a wedding present. Would it be tacky to just give a card and say the desserts are your presents?
Sincerely,
Dessert Dilemma
{I meant to answer this question the day I read it! But then I got busy living my life, and here I finally am. I only hope it's not too late.}
Dear Dessert Dilemma, or Wedding Gift Dilemma,
Do not buy her an additional wedding present! What you have already done is generous considering both time and money. She is lucky to have a friend who is so willing to help out. Oh! I also like your idea of giving her a card saying the desserts are the present. It shows that you thought about this and reminds her what a gift it truly was. Sometimes these things are lost on busy brides.
I dare someone to disagree with me.
What I want to know is, what dessert uses $50 worth of ingredients? My mind is left to imagine-chocolate tarts made from Scharffen Berger, dusted with gold?
If you want in on a discussion on marriage (and it's challenges), try reading the last two posts on Jana's blog, found here.
14 comments:
I would not buy an additional gift. The desserts are definitely enough.
I remember once doing engagement pictures for someone and we'd agreed on payment. Later I kindly said, How about this will just be your wedding present. And it was never acknowledged and I felt a little put out.
Dude, I would really question my friendship with someone like this—period!
Gratitude is a virtue (correction: Practice, cause no one refers to "virtues" anymore—so taboo) that is near extinction. I mean TRUE gratitude. It seems that way too many people these days just expect things and through their entitlement they think it beneath them to appreciate what others do for them (even in the slightest, barely noticeable ways).
I don't even think that this concept can be explained away by "I'm not a religious person, so I just don't practice it that"—no, you're just plain a jerk!!
I'm aware that I've digressed a bit from the title of the post, but really I think this just is a glaring cry for attention to the bigger issue than the $50 of dessert making ingredients—a simple "THANK YOU" and "I APPRECIATE YOU SOOO MUCH FOR ALL OF YOU HARD WORK AND HELP MAKING MY DAY PERFECT" would have easily smoothed away any thoughts of the money spent, or weather this should have been considered their "gift"—it would have been just understood clearly.
Oh, and Janalee (would love to meet you sometime when you're visiting Alisha), I am so grateful for your post on danoah.com's "Worthless Women" article. It was quite the gem and one that I will be reading to my son during story time before bed each night—or I can just get it in audio form and play it in his room as he sleeps ;-)
Just reread through my comment, and boy do I need to be more careful with my spelling/proper word usage. Not even sure if typing slower would help!
Sorry you had to suffer through that carnage!
*making a mental note - again - to never get on Taryn's bad side - ever*
The card referencing the desserts you made is perfect. If the bride is asking for help making/footing the bill for catering, she understands that not everyone, including her, has tons of money.
(Maybe I missed something, but I didn't read that the bride was ungrateful. Assuming about her friend's budget or clueless about the price if ingredients perhaps, but not ungrateful. This is also a good lesson in when someone asks us to do something, having clear expectations when we agree to it. Man, that's tough sometimes.)
Alisha, this story reminds me of when I called to ask if you'd provide a dessert for a baby shower I was hosting, but I phrased my question too generally, and things snowballed into you helping with everything. I'm amazed our friendship survived that one.
Can I vent now? My SIL asked me to make the invitations to her wedding. I agreed - gladly - and we were both happy for that to be my family's wedding present to her.
Granted, I shot myself in the foot with some of the samples I showed her, but the end result was invitations and inserts costing $300. Or so I thought...
AFTER I had my SIL proof the invitations and let her know I was moving into production mode, she and her fiance decided to buy a new house. They kept this quiet (supposedly) in case the deal fell through. They also decided that, if they were able to purchase the new house, instead of spending a lot of money on a fancy reception at a restaurant, they would opt for a less expensive, more casual reception at their new house.
So AFTER I make all $300 worth of invitations, reception cards, map cards, response cards, and reply envelopes, my SIL clues me in to all of her new decisions. The only thing I can still keep are the actual ceremoney invitations themselves.
By this point there wasn't enough time to special order the same paper in the quantity I needed, so I had to buy something that didn't match and pay open stock prices. I paid for the paper and prepped the pieces that only I could do, then sent the rest of the supplies to my SIL for her to finish herself. I didn't sign up to pay for and make two sets of invitations - plus I was really offended that she valued my time so little as to not warn me that she was considering changing something that affected so many pieces of the invitation packet.
Good grief! Looks like my computer and I are having a rough night. Sorry about that.
I think the dessert is a Lovely gift. Take a picture so she can remember too with the card. Brides can be busy and this way she will be able to see your delicious work.
It was several cheesecakes. I did end up writing it in the card, hopefully I get a thank you and she isn't offended or upset about it.
Here's my thing, people only get marry once, and if it's someone you offered to make the dessert for, they must be very close. Get them another present, something small, like those wedding picture frame or set of dishes, they are like less than $15. The gesture to make the dessert, is a huge gesture, it bonds the friendship, shows your support and happiness for this person. When she looks back at the pictures she''ll always be reminded that you made the desserts. However, if it was a gift, it should have been communicated in the beginning. Because she's probably going to think "I paid for it"
I can think of a few things that I have in my closet but haven't use that are really good gifts. Picture frames, fondue sets, lamps, curtains, set of towels.
Lien
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