Happy Hate Day

It is about halfway to Valentines Day, or close enough, and since I love it so much I thought I would recognize it by making a list of things I hate. This is also in honor of the air show, which had been buzzing over head all weekend. Plus, Jana loves it when I get cranky.

This list is sure to be slightly offensive in someway to most, so I offer you a tepid apology ahead of time. Yes, I know hate is a strong word, so much more than 'dislike', so I have saved the worst of the worst. Without further ado, Things I Hate:

1. Beds without head boards. It's like a person with out a head! I can't rest even looking at a room with out one. I have heard of decorated houses purposely not using a headboard to give the room a more casual feel, but I think that is lame. There are so many other options.

2. Glade plug-on air-fresheners. I was going to save this for my "things that make you low class" list, and still might. But the suffocating artificial smells and sweetness earns is a spot on this list too.

I made this misleading dessert myself. Looks rich and full of flavor doesn't it? It was not. Rather bland and lacking in texture.

3. Misleading Desserts. By this I mean desserts that look really good and indulgent and fancy, but when you bit into them they have very little taste. Tricked! They all taste the same, like sugar and shortening, which they probably are. The desserts in the fancy display window at Fred Meyers and Rose's Deli, and the chocolate cake at Costco, fall into this category.

4. Sunflowers. They're so obnoxious.

5. Mexicans. Kidding, I actually have a soft spot for them and prefer darkies myself. I wish the racism could be taken out of all the illegal and border discussions. It's a tricky thing.

6. Vertigo. Or motion sickness or dizziness or whatever you want to call it. I get it off and on through the year but it seems to come on the strongest in the fall. So if I look disgusted, I'm probably sick to my stomach and dizzy so be nice. Feel free to take my children.

This next group of hates is dedicated to the Air Show:

7. A large group of people getting excited about something that you don't like. Growing up my parents would rave on and on about corn on the cob so much that I had no choice but to turn against it. It's even worse if it's something you already don't like.

8. Loud noises. They say to truly hate something you have to love it first, and I don't believe that. Unless it is my silence that I have loved and has been destroyed. A loud bang is like a slap in the face to me.


9. Medium wash Kirkland Signature jeans for men, usually relaxed fit. I know they are convenient, ("I was already there for toilet paper and that goooood giant chocolate cake") and trying on pants can be such a hassle, but put a little effort into it please. ("Honeeeey! Make sure my Kirks are clean for my big air show weekend.")

10. The Air Show. Hey! I've got a great idea! Let's gather together some pilots already eager to show-off their trade, let's have them zoom over family neighborhoods day and night, do a few loop-dee-lous in the air, include colored smoke, and we'll have every pasty nerd in Oregon willing to pay money to crowd into a dusty field to see it!! I'm sure every mother in the community would be willing to forfeit her peace and her children's naps in trade for such a show!

The End. It was actually hard to come up with 10 things. I love a lot more things than I hate. You can write that on my tombstone.

J. Cash

Again, I have been in a slump, not posting very often and only taking the easy questions when I do. Let's blame it on summer. Come September I'll make it up to you baby, I promise. Today is no different, it's a little bland. It's the plain oatmeal of blog posts. Are you sold yet?

Justin loves this tasteful idea.

Dear Alisha,

What is your opinion of giving cash as a wedding gift? I know that when my husband and myself got married, this was our favorite gift. However, I have heard criticism stating it is tacky and not personal. But part of me thinks that point of view is kind of old school. What do you think? Would you give cash as a wedding gift?

Sincerely,
J. Ca$h

Dear J. Cash,

Yes. Yes I would because I liked getting money when we were married. It just came in so handy. I also really like gift cards to stores I like to shop at. If some one I was close to was marrying, say one of my sisters yet again, I would probably think of a slightly more personal gift, but in most cases I think cash in both appropriate and appreciated. Unless the couple is already rich. Then you'd better just buy something off their registry and roll your eyes.

The opposite to giving cash is a handmade gift. We were given several handmade decorative items. At the time I felt sad looking at the wasted time, effort, and even expense of the wooden key holder with our name tole painted on it or other crafty items. They were not used like the thoughtless $30 dollar checks. But now I sort of remember them with fondness. Wasn't that cute, I think. Cute but useless.

There is really no question here Readers, if you have an opinion, feel free to chime in.

I know I could ask "What was your worst wedding gift", but I'm feeling apathetic. If someone bothered to give you a gift, be grateful.

Fuzzy Wuzzy

Do I post this? What good could come from this? A hardy laugh and a little sympathy? Okay, I'm in.

Dear Alisha,

Today I went in for a bikini wax. As the lady got to waxing down there, she made the comment, “You must be single.” What’s that supposed to mean!?

Can we ask the readers about the most awkward thing a doctor, beautician, or other professional has ever told them?

Sincerely,

Fuzzy Wuzzy

Dear Um, Fuzzy,

I think when it comes to matters like this, no comment is the only appropriate comment.

Readers, I'll allow it. What is the most awkward thing a doctor, beautician, or other professional has ever told you?

Behave yourselves please.

p.s. In the near future I will treat you to my thoughts on tight pleather boots, jeggings, boyfriend jeans, and over-sized shirts, to name a few.

Bunch of Pansies

Dear Local Readers,

If you are in need of or desire a bunch of lemon and pansy cupcakes, I will deliver them to you tonight. To the first commenter only.

Sincerely,

Alisha

Mothers Against Black Eyes

Dear Alisha,
I have a daughter... She is beautiful... She is 12 .. She has green eyes & is charming like her Mother, me! I have one tiny little problem. She wants to wear black eye liner around her entire beautiful green eyes, which gives the effect that she just stepped out of a boxing ring.

Did I mention, she has beautiful green eyes? I don't understand how she leaves for school in the morning looking like Snow Whites twin sister & come home looking like she & old Mich-ee Tyson had a show-down on the front lawn of the Church.

Sincerely,
M.A.B.E (Mothers against Black Eyes)

The expression on her face could be a little more innocent, but the makeup looks age appropriate.

Dear Mother A.B.E.,

It sounds like Mother is prone to dramatic writing.
I smell two questions here, or a question within a question.

Question #1- Is it appropriate for my 12 year daughter to wear heavy black eye makeup?

I am sure you have already noticed this, but eyeliner makes young girls looks much older. And naughtier. I agree that 12 is suitable age for a girl to start wearing makeup, but I think she should wait a couple of years on the eyeliner. I am tempted, itchy in fact, to hop up on my soap box and go on about young girls growing up too fast and the danger and tragedy of it, but, no, there, I've suppressed it. It maybe close to impossible to revoke a privilege, but see if you can flatter her into wearing simply mascara and blush, maybe some shadow, for now.


Question #2- How do I get black eyeliner to stay on without smearing?

Now this is an easy one. I have experienced the bad that I might know the good. After runny eyeliner followed by years of wearing liquid liner (doesn't run too bad but is difficult to apply), I have found my solution. It's called Smudge Pots by Stila. I use a narrow synthetic liner-brush to apply the color. It dries almost instantly and stays put better than anything else I have tried. You can buy it at Sephora, costs $18, and lasts a pretty long time.
A water-proof mascara helps too.

Good luck.

Wait, let's see here, a question..

Readers, I've given my humble opinion, what do you think is an appropriate age for girls to start wearing heavy makeup?


Warning, if you say "when ever she feels like it", I will disagree with you.