Sensitive Ears

(Jana has been getting after me to answer more questions, even if they might only be interesting to a small crowd. "People can't wait for answers forever", she threatens. Is that really what the people want?)

Dear Alisha,

I was recently in a situation where I was stuck waiting in a public place around many strangers, and while most people occupied themselves quietly, there was one 20-something woman who had several foul-mouthed phone conversations, in which she discussed, among other things, all the annoying people she'd encountered that day. I spent the next several minutes pondering the many ways I could handle the situation. Should I pull out my own phone and have a fake conversation about how I was stuck listening to a loud, obnoxious woman? Should I politely remind her that we could all hear her, whether or not we wanted to? Should I get up and move? But really, I couldn't really move that far for the time being. I started wondering "What would Alisha do? I bet Alisha would have some witty way of tactfully approaching her."

So there's your question. What would you do in this situation? How do your readers view this type of situation? Is it just an unfortunate thing we must endure in our society, or is there a way of tactfully letting others know that we do not appreciate their choice of words?

Sincerely,

Sensitive Ears

Dear Sensitive Ears,

Me? Tactful? You obviously are not a member of my book club. (Though you could be, it's open to anyone.) Don't we all hate being in that situation? It's like we're trapped in a bad conversation, feeling powerless to get out.

Depending on the day, here's how I would have handled it: try to ignore her. If that failed, I'd listen for extremes in her complaints so I could re-tell my story of suffering later. At least I'd get a story out of it! Or, on a more aggressive day I would have made eye contact with her and mouthed the words "we can hear you". That failing, I would have listened carefully to what she was saying, how could I tune it out? Then once she was off the phone, on the train and within ear shot of me, I would strike up a conversation with a fellow traveler who had suffered her foul mouthed complaints along with me. In this conversation I would repeat, as closely as I could with out swearing, her exact stories and complaints as if they were my own. This might sound far-fetched but I can start up a conversation with almost anyone and when I'm cranky I'm willing to act on my convictions, if you know what I mean. I think she would get the message. And hopefully not beat me up.

Readers, does this type of thing happen often to you? My husband takes the Max, Portland's train, twice a day, but he always has earphones in and the real world tuned out. He's only brought me one or two funny stories.

What's the funniest/weirdest/most note worthy thing you've heard while taking public transportation?

Does Sensitive Ears have the right to be bothered by this? I think she does.

The September Issue ...as told by a S.A.H. Suburban Mom

Let's just get this out of the way: no one needs to be a fashion slave to look good. But to say "I don't care what's in style, I just wear what I want", is a lie. A well dressed person doesn't worry about keeping up with every little trend, but has an idea of what is current. If you still think you don't care, that you are above following a little fashion, than skip reading this post and I'll leave you to your Loony Tune sweatshirts.

{Pause. I can't do it! I just can't do it. It's too much information to be summed up and too much to edit through. I'm over my head and I've been putting this off for weeks now. Why do you make me do this?? Here, eat your fashion slop and don't complain.}

The ending of August is thrilling, isn't it? {See how long ago I started this post?} Summer is winding to a close, school's about to start, you've just lost 10 pounds, and the September issue of Vogue hits news stands. Yipee! It's like your new life is about to start. A life with busy, industrious children and you dressing better than ever. Everyone knows that September is when fashion magazines put out their largest issue. It's like the start of the new year for fashion.

Looking through September magazines is a little like seeing what my year will be like, what tone the year will take in the form of what I'll be wearing, or so I tell myself. Really, I'll be noticing obvious trends and what colors are big and what the general look is like and I'll try and translate a little of that into my Target/Gap/Banana/Nordstom's Rack/the real Nordstom's-on-occasion shopping.

Long ago I realized that the only thing that I can comfortably read while working out is fashion or gossip magazines. The quick images of skinny people with not too many words to read are perfect while laboring. So I made a rule for myself that I can only read such magazines while working out. It took me almost two weeks to get through the September Vogue.

Here are a few trends, (I'm already getting sick of that word, it's too limiting) from this September's fashion magazines.

First off, I didn't find Vogue's cover very enticing. A head shot of Halle Berry, who I don't really care for, and a bunch of busy words. Stay with me.

My favorite editorial was called "Sweater Girl" in Vogue. Hey! Sweaters! I can totally wear sweaters.

I really like the classic hair and clean makeup.

This is a sweater from J.Crew worn backwards. Next time I'm at Gap I might grab the teal sweater, instead of my standard gray or purple, and wear it- backwards?


Yes! Here it is. This is how I envision my ideal life as a mother, changing my naked baby on the grass while dressed up. You'll see this photo again in an upcoming series of idealized motherhood photos I'm working on.

The quote on one of the pages for this spread reads "In another age, suburban wives kept house-and themselves- pristine." Don't we though?

Other trends that it's okay to take or leave:

Country Weekend. It looks like a trip to Old Navy is in order. They have Fair Isles Sweaters that go on clearance for $15 every year.

Again, the 50's. I'm not going to lie. I love fifties style and shape. (Notice how I picked up on it being a trend when it's marked "The Trend".)


Leather and Lace. Doesn't this already look like a cheap dress from Hot Topics or the Juniors section? It costs $2,480. I can already see a pleather knock-off of it.

Global or Global Traveler. What am I suppose to do with this? Wear red yarn in my hair and hippie skirts?

Long sweaters with long skirts. And if you'd like to turn your sweater backwards, all the better. Come to think of it, my freshman Spanish teacher use to wear backwards sweaters. I wonder if perms and bright colored tinted glasses are going to come back around too.

Animal Prints. This picture isn't from Vogue, I couldn't find their animal pictures on line, but from thinkthrufashion.com. I like how it boarders both classy and tacky. I am already carrying a leopard print purse.

Trends not shown: The Rocker Girl, like this is something new. Tweed and Plaid, you already know what this looks like, you've probably already noticed the plaid trenches at Target. The 20's, yet again.

As I am huffing and puffing through the ads, because the magazine is mostly ads, I spot this picture on the left:

..and think, I've got this down. Blazer-check. Longer black t-shirt with long chunky necklace-check, skinny jeans-check, boots-already looking for. Then I noticed it was an ad for Ann Taylor LOFT. What could be more suburban??

To further prove my suburbanism, I saw this cover and found it very appealing:

Enough so that I bought the magazine, at Costco no less. I like their one fashion spread.

What wouldn't I wear on this page? Note the hard handle framed bag. This is a big trend that I adore. Unfortunately, this style has not hit the low end market yet, (meaning I can't find it at Target), but I hope it lasts and lasts.

I like the feel of this. Still I don't think I would break my "never wear a hat unless it's snowing" rule.

Inside was this statement "..the clothes that will hit the stores this fall-sophisticated instead of girlie, tasteful without being stodgy, and figure-flattering without revealing all-will at least make the getting dressed part smooth and drama free."

Does that mean no more leggings and tunics and ruffled mini-skirts? Please let it be so.
I am excited about what's to come.

Are there any trends you are looking forward too?

I'm worn out. Have no energy to cover In Style Magazine and their tips for buying the most unflattering pants ever.

Young and Prosperous

The bags under my eyes will be much darker.

Dear Alisha,

I work in an environment where most of my coworkers are much older than me. In fact so much most of them are old enough to be my parents! I'm not embarrassed by my age around them, but I never know what to say when clients ask how old I am.

I feel like they wont trust me with their accounts and will take their business elsewhere if they do find out. I've tried skirting the issue or saying things like "old enough to vote!" but I still feel awkward. Isn't it still considered rude to ask a woman's age? Maybe they can justify it since I'm younger not older?

Enlighten me, how can I respond gracefully without revealing my age, not make them feel awkward yet still know their question isn't appreciated?

Sincerely,

Unenlightened

Dear Young and Prosperous,

So let me get this straight: your problem is that you look too young to be in your successful career? Is this really a problem? It sounds like a compbrag to me. To show I'm a good sport, I'll proceed as if this were a serious problem.

Older people feel justified in asking younger people their age. It's allowed. Like when I ask and marvel at how young some of the other mother's around me are who have children my same age. "So you're only 24?" No wonder her skins looks so good.

Here's what I would do, depending on how I felt that day: answer frankly with your real age. Give them your age plus 10 years. This is my favorite option because then you'd hear "my you look good for 44" over and over again and they'd still trust you. Or just say something like "young" and leave it at that. You don't have to tell them.

Should we all pretend this is a real problem? Do we have any other great ideas for our Young one?

Dreaming of White Cabinets

Dear Alisha,

Our last home had white cabinets and I loved them. I loved the kitchen. Even though it was on the small side I just loved being in there. Two years ago we bought our first house. In my mind I made a list of three things I wanted to change right away, one of those things was refinishing the oak kitchen cabinets. After we bought it I told my husband this and he thought it wasn’t the greatest idea. Now I am unsure. Will painting the cabinets depreciate the home and make it hard to sell later on down the road? Am I just throwing money down the drain by painting cabinets that have nothing really wrong with them? Will it be too hard to keep clean with kids (we didn’t have kids in the first house)? Please help.

Dreaming of White Cabinets

Dear Dreamer,

I am so glad you asked this question. I love white cabinets and I love talking about work I've completed. White cabinets are light and fresh and timeless. I had white cabinets in our first house and couldn't dream of a cabinet color I would like more in the future. After looking for a different house in our desired neighborhood and not finding white cabinets in any of them, we made the easy decision to buy a house we liked and to planned on refinishing the cabinets when we moved it.

Even with this agreed upon plan, I was questioned several times about painting over good condition cherry wood cabinets. I thought one of our woodworking friend might have a heart attack upon learning of my plan. Even Justin tried to sneak in a little "you really still want to paint the cabinets?", after the new counter tops were installed. It's not that the cherry cabinets looked bad, they just weren't my first or second choice.

Before:

I actually don't think they looked too bad in photos. It felt like the redwood forest to me.

In process:

After:

We did not paint these cabinets ourselves. I wanted them smooth and perfect so I chose a professional who sprayed them with an oil based paint. If I were to do it again, I would not use an oil paint. We had to leave our house for 5 days, and it still stunk for weeks after wards. I would use a water based semi-gloss paint made just for cabinets, over a primer made to adhere. Make sure you hire a paint company that has done it before and has the photos to prove it. Plan on it costing more than you would expect. It was so much work. They turned the whole kitchen into a spray room, taping off every little thing except the cabinets. With cherry wood, we could expect a smooth finish, but with oak you will still see a little grain pattern. I don't think this is a problem, it just proves your cabinets are wood.

I am happy with the results over all. It has been two years now and there are little nicks and dings that need a touch up, but that's to be expected.

I have also helped paint the oak cabinets in a friends kitchen. I wish I had an after photo for you, because it was a night and day difference, it looked amazing!

Here is a quick summary of what is involved.: You will need to clean out your kitchen, removing most of what is on the shelves, though not to the degree you would have to with a professional job. Then remove all the doors and hardware, give a light sanding to everything, wipe them down, prime the cabinets two coats, paint the cabinets-about 3 coats each side, paint the hung cabinet frames about 5 times, and finally when everything is dry, rehang the doors and reinstall the hardware. That last step is pure joy. With a team of helpers, we were able to do an entire kitchen in two labor intensive days. That was unusually fast.

If you are thinking that this sounds like a lot of work, it is. If you are a little lazy when it comes to home improvement projects, don't even start it unless you are sure you will finish. As for it depreciating the value of your home, I think that it depends on how well it is done. It's not like oak cabinets are helping anybody's home value. I think a good job will update your kitchen. Keeping them clean requires wiping dirty spots off from time to time. It doesn't seem to take very much time. I just do it when I am wiping down my kitchen counters or moping the floor and notice a spot.

More tips:
*Do not use a pure white paint. Make sure it is warmed or muddied up.
*Use really good paint and primer. We went to the Miller paint store and asked them for their recommendations and they walked us through it.
*Even if it's just white, you must do a test swatch first.
*Have everything set up before you start, including a clean, dry area to paint the cabinets doors in.
*Paint your cabinets first and your walls second, if you are changing that too.
*I like a low nap roller or the doors.
*Consider replacing your hardware. Good hardware will make your cabinets look more expensive.

Good luck. If you do not like your kitchen, then do something about it. I hope you can convince your husband. They are always the slowest to get on board. "But we can't paint over real wood!!" Yes you can. Many high-end kitchens are built in wood and then painted.

Boot-y-licious

It's time. I have been thinking about the subject of this post for a long, long time. Some of you need to hear this more than others. I hope you'll take it as intended (with love, criticism, mockery) and plan your lives accordingly.

Unless you have been living under a rock, or in Coolidge, you will have noticed already that boots are huge this season. Expect to see them constantly. Even in Arizona, as soon as the temperatures quit reaching over 100 degrees, expect booted legs to start showing up. (With tank tops! Don't get me started!!)

What we need to talk about it when boots go wrong. Here's what I anticipate seeing when cold weather arrives: skanky, ill-fitting, outdated "sexy" boots. On my better days I have wanted to pull some of you aside and whisper, gently delivering the blow, letting you know of your boot folly, and pleading with you to change. On my crankier days I have wanted to publicly shame you for wearing such foolish, cheap, stolen-from-a-15-year-old-hooker boots, ending with a slap on your face or tearing the offending boots off. Instead I try to avert my eyes.

I asked for volunteer photos of big calves on facebook, and this one perfectly illustrates my point. (I have seen worse in person, mind you.) It also shows another pet peeve of mine- sawed-off square toes!! They make me so angry!!

Let's get specific.
Problem #1 Too Tight. If you have larger, strong, voluptuous calves, you cannot smash them into a slender cut knee-high boot. The results are dastardly. Instead of celebrating your shapely figure, it looks like you are apologizing for having big calves. It looks vulgar. You deserve better. You undoubtedly are muscular yet sensual and should display your legs as to maximize their attractiveness. As I see it, here are your options:
1. Extended calf boots. There are more and more of them available each year. Also there are some styles of boots that are made to fit loose and that may work for you.

2. For some of you, extended calves will still be too small. You must quit wearing knee high boots. I'm sorry, but like I said, you deserve better. You look good in regular heels so wear them with stocking for winter.

3. Not exactly a boot, but a bootie, They come to the ankles and might be an acceptable choice. Beware of mid-calf boots. I think they will hit you in your fullest part and only make you look larger or like the lower half of your leg is cinched into the boot and the top half is exploding out the top.

Nine West. Just think how good your calves would look in these beauties!

If you are reading this thinking "sure, Alisha, it's easy for you to say quit wearing boots, because you'll never have to with your proportionate but well toned calves!" (thank you). It is your best interest I have in mind.

This was the funniest submission. I just want to pinch those chubby calves!

Problem #2 Cheap and outdated. I get it. Boots are expensive and you have a shorter season to wear them than normal shoes. The expense comes from the large amount of material required. It's easy to find synthetic boots at a fraction of the price and think that is the way to go. The problem is that because there is so much material, the cheapness is more apparent. Most pleather or synthetic boots aren't fooling anyone. They look cheapie and buckle around the ankles. I an not saying all synthetic boots are off the table, I've seen a couple of fakes that I thought were leather and were in a trendy style that I don't think I would want pay the real leather price of. Either buy real leather or really good fakes. This is where the term "investment dressing" applies.

If you are going to buy a pair of boots and I have convinced you to buy leather, these will cost more and you will no doubt want to get your money's worth out of them. I will suggest buying a classic style that will last you several years. There really is no such thing as buying a pair that will always be in style, but as close as you can come to it. Look for something simple. Nothing too trendy, not too many bells or whistles, no scrunching, no square toe, no pointed toe, no platform bottom. Yes to real leather that fits well. Yes to a rounded toe. Yes to good leather.

These Christian Louboutin might just look good forever.

A basic riding boot, from Cole Haan, would be worn frequently and for years.

I don't want you to think that I am always this catty, my excuse is that this is a subject that has needed addressing for years. YEARS. Oh how I've suffered.

So you don't think I'm all complaints, let's talk about upcoming fall trends a little more.

Over the Knee Boots. I like this but I understand that they can go wrong so easily. They're so close to overly-suggestive instead of fashionable. To play it safe, I suggest wearing a flat heel with over the knee styles.

These boots were made for stalking,by Tori Burch

by Jessica Simpson. Wait, did I just use Jessica Simpson as an example of something non-skanky?!

That said, I don't wear flats. I'm on the hunt for the perfect pair of respectable high-heeled over-the-knee-boots. How to wear them: cautiously. Wear over jeggings or with a dress or skirt, and the skirt should cover the top part of the boot. So you look like you have one long, booted leg. Since my legs are short (but well shaped) this makes me a little nervous, but it's a trend I'm excited to try.

A little like these NineWesters.

Ankle Booties. It has taken a little time for me to come around to this trend, but I'm hesitantly there now. My concern is that it cuts my feet off at the ankles and makes me look shorter, but I'm willing to roll with it for now.

Two trends in one, Lace and Pain. Where would I wear them? And with what? Everywhere. Soccer practice. With jeans. (I'm lying. I'm much too lazy to put that kind of effort into mid-day dressing.)

Pure hatred. From Topshop.

Practical from J.Crew. These I would wear to soccer practice.

Lace Ups: a short lived trend.

For the Johnny Depp fans our there, worn and rustic by Charles David.

Remember what I said about being overly suggestive?

No.

Try these instead

Both by Christian Louboutin

I like this trend, from H&M, so they are in my price range for a don't-hold-your-breath-on-wearing-them-next-year-style.

What boots will you be wearing this season?