Big Bow

Dear Alisha,

Baby girl hair accessories…please discuss.

Sincerely,
Say No to the Big Bow
Note to readers: this is my kind of question! Short, brimming with complaint, and about babies. Say No Big Bow even included links to hair-bow-challenged babies. So thank you. Thank you.


Dear Say No to the Big Bow,

I enjoy both large accessories* and making babies look foolish, yet the trend of giant, loud hair bows for babies has grown out of control.
See what I mean:
[Let's just get this out of the way, the babies are all adorable, despite the hair accessories.]

There's a baby under there. (In drag.)

I'm scared (of Chuckie)

Who's really the turkey?

I am trying to think of a kind way to say 'I think these bows are tacky beyond words'.

I feel so sorry for this (cute) baby. What are her chances for a tasteful childhood? Who will teach her?

There is something to be said for bald heads and baby scaled hair accessories. If only I had a little baby to demonstrate what I mean...

She needs a pot of flowers on her head!

I like the little glued on bows. When else in life will she get the chance?

I wasn't sure how I felt about headbands before I had a daughter, but they have their place. Let's say you are very bald, they establish a hairline.

I am not against a small flower either. Small baby=small flower.

I bought these cute, smaller sized headbands off etsy from Sweet Violet Kisses.

But they're not with out hazards.

When in doubt, keep it simple.

If you like the giant flower trend, enjoy it, flower it up. Just keep in mind this is a trend that will look dated at some point (like a year ago), so don't take every photo with a bouquet on your head.

Is it just me and Say No Big Bow? Would you like to disagree? I can totally handle it. Discuss.

*unnecessary side story: In 7th grade I wore my hair pulled back in a ponytail, bangs fluffed in front, with a giant decorative bow over the pony holder. My mom learned how to make these enormous bows at a homemaking night and I loved them. I wore them frequently enough to earn me the nick name "Big Bow", only it was sung to the tune of a 7-11 commercial that said "Mobile Judge" (does anyone remember those commercials??). So I get it.

Oh Mother

What have you been up to these past few weeks? No one asks. Most of you already know I had a baby and that it was recently Mother's Day. I thought I'd fill you on a few details, but keep your expectations low and your patience high.


Here I am the morning of my scheduled C-section. (p.s. I'd like a new term for C-section. It's time we moved on.) "Justin, quick! Take a last ever shot of me pregnant!" Here I'm trying to think about how excited I am to see and touch my new little baby in just 3 short hours, rather than 'hey, they're going to cut me open in just 2.5 short hours'.

All set to go! This photo proves my lack of vanity. The creepy anesthesiologist already came in and gave me a pep talk that freaked me out. I won't give you all the details but he prattled on about how I might feel contractions, even with a spinal, when my uterus was out of my body, because-funny thing-it just does that sometimes! Also that about 50% of patients throw-up in the operating room anyways so I'm free to join that statistic.

I am near panic when the nurse announces it's time for me to wear a hat and walk down the hall to surgery. At this time Justin sneaks the above photo. I decide never, ever to have surgery again while awake and conscious. (So that rules out further C-sections and brain surgery?)

Still I have a lot to look forward to and here are the highlights:

Hearing her cry for the first time! Then Justin brings her over for me to take a look and nervously analyze which feature comes from which parent.

As soon as I'm stapled back together I'm given the baby to nurse. All 4 of my children have been aggressive nurses from the first hour of life. When thinking about this ahead of time, it is a little concerning to me because this is what I am like:

Loopy. And they're trusting me to hold an infant?? I made Justin promise to watch me carefully so I wouldn't drop the baby on the floor. Fortunately it's human instinct to not drop your children. My face is red because the anesthesia makes me itch and I clawed at it all day. Does it jazz up the photo to know I had been puking but no one brought me a toothbrush, ever, and I didn't even care?

That same afternoon the boys came to the hospital to meet their new sister. "Boys! Put on a striped shirt, no, don't worry about your hair, just get down here as fast as you can!"

Perfect. A blank slate. What did we name her? It took a couple of days, but, wait for it..

Violet Marie

There were so many names to choose from! I could have renamed all the girl babies in the hospital. Thank you for all your suggestions. I picked Violet because, as my mom said, "I love the flower, I love the scent, I love the color, and I love the name." Marie is a family name.

Here's how I sold Justin on the name. Outside our front door I have a giant pot of pansies/violets growing. I conspired with my mom and she brought one of the smaller pots to the hospital on day one and we snuck a flower behind her ear. "Oh look who wants to be named Violet". And because Justin is a visual kind of guy, he totally fell for it.

Jump to Mother's Day. I usually don't give all the M.Day's details because one of Justin's talents is being thoughtful and generous on holidays and I don't want another mother who's reading to feel jilted or that her family loves her less if her husband doesn't bake, cook, clean, bring flowers, and buy gifts. It has me slightly concerned about my performance on Father's Day.

One thing I've been doing a lot of since having a baby ? Laying around? Yes! And eating lots of chocolate. Seriously, every day. I need the endorphins. My Easter stash was gone and Justin was nice enough to replenish. Also, he gives me roses every year. I need to get better at arranging roses.

Brunch

Saturday night Justin was downstairs baking up a storm. I heard the clatter of rolling pins, the mixer running, at 11:15 he came and asked me if we had any powdered sugar (we didn't) and he didn't come to bed till well after 1am. In the morning I found that he had made two quiches, see above, and pancake cookies, see below.

Also, lobster tacos for dinner. One of the best parts was that Justin took the little boys shopping the day before and they were gone for 4 long hours. They picked out the above placemates. I enjoyed laying around all day and being fed delicious food.

Here are the cookies he invented. I'll say this- I don't like pancakes very much but I love these cookies. I ate a stack, if you know what I mean. If you want the recipe, check it out here. You're free to try the recipe but don't submit it to any contests. Justin's sure that he can submit it to Betty Crocker and win a college education.

Lastly, it wouldn't be a Mother's Day post with out mentioning my own beloved Mother. She came and took care of both me and my family while I was at the hospital and recovering, for TWO weeks. Thanks Mom.

Reader's Rant: Keep It Covered

Tomorrow I am going to have a baby. (Round of applause.) But I shall not leave you comfortless. Enjoy this Rant and for some of my more delicate readers, I'm sorry about the photos. Really sorry.
Dear Alisha,

Put an end to this, please!

Dear ladies,

DO NOT hold a maternity photo session. It's the definition of awkward. There is no way to make it beautiful or artistic or anything other than creepy. I'm happy to celebrate the arrival of your bundle of joy - heck, I'll throw a shower in your honor and bring home cooked meals after your angel arrives- just please, PLEASE do not force me to look at your stretch marks, love handles, or popped-out belly button.

Sincerely, Keep It Covered
I only have these photos to offer in reply. All except the last two are from Awkwardfamilyphotos.com . The last two photos may not be copied or reproduced with out permission, and I will not give permission.

Ug. This would be my nightmare.

(This one's my favorite. Who came up with this idea? Even the mother looks uncomfortable.)

So Mormon.

This doesn't make any sense.

This is like in Highlights magazine where they ask "how many things how many things can you find wrong with this picture? (Those things on my belly are suppose to be pigtails.) Answers at the bottom of the page.

The End.
1)Grown women should never wear pigtails except for costume/humorous purposes. 2)Not covered. 3)Unsuitable reading material for infant brain development. 4)Unhealthy projection of mother onto child. 5) Chair should not be placed floating in bedroom.

Name Call

not even my baby, but rather istockphoto

In just under a month, (or less!) I will be charged with the responsibility of naming a child. This is no small task. There are numerous articles and studies about how a name effects your personality and success in life. I have a few concerns. I want to like the name I pick for more than just a few years. It needs to stand the test of time. I don't want to mess this up.. but I'm not good at thinking of names ahead of time. We didn't name any of our boys until they were born.

Soooooo, I'm soliciting names. I need ideas. I have so few.

A few generalities:
-I like real names, nothing made up or two names combined together. (No "Julisha")
-Nothing overly common, (sorry, "Sarah"'s out.)
-Something that will keep her out of trouble. (No "Jezebel", "Lolita", or "Bubbles")

-Not that it has to be, but I do like 'A' names. It's been a good letter to start with. I was first in line for most things at school and A's are pretty to write.
-Sadly, I like names with imagery.
-Classic names or names with meaning, but still easily pronounced, are a plus.
-I'm having a girl. I'd like her name to sound like it.

To entice you, I promise that I will pick a name from those offered in the comment room and use it either as a first or middle name. (I need both.)*

Please and Thank you!

*I may or may not keep this promise.

Shower Me This

I rummaged around and dusted off this old question, with a self-serving motive.


Dear Alisha,
My SIL is pregnant with her 3rd baby. This baby was somewhat of a surprise as she has been unable to get pregnant for the last 8 years. What is proper baby shower etiquette? I've heard you should only throw a shower with the first baby. Then others say with the first baby or the first of each gender. In her case, she already has a boy and a girl but because it's been so long I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO...PLEASE DO ADVISE! This baby's on it's way...like in 4 weeks Sincerely,
Aunt with no clue

Dear Aunt,

Sorry I failed you. I hope you or a friend threw her a shower, lots of people came, and it was nice of you to be concerned.

In her case, yes I would have said "throw her a shower". I use to think only the first birth or the birth of a different gender merited a baby shower. But since "anything goes now-a-days" I guess baby showers for any birth are acceptable if someone is willing to put in the work. I'll admit in the past I have been slightly annoyed when receiving a baby shower invitation for Suzy Sunshine's fourth girl. She doesn't have enough girl clothes already? I crankily ask whoever is around. But it seems everyone has their reasons, so let them have a shower. It doesn't mean I have to attend just because I'm invited. Or bitter.

On the flip side, if you are having your second boy/girl and no one has offered to throw a baby shower for you, don't feel sorry for yourself- I think most people stick to the first in gender rule.

from stampthat.com

Now here's where my greediness comes out: I have a question for you. If you receive an invite to a baby shower for someone you hardly know, how do you feel about it? Are you a little put off? Do you feel obligated to attend and bring a gift, or does it merely annoy you? Are you ever flattered even if you don't plan on attending?

All answers, anonymous or not, would be helpful. I have a guest list invite list to turn into friends who have kindly offered to throw a baby shower for me, and I can't decide whether to hand over the short or long list. I'm happy for all to attend but I don't want to seem like I'm groveling for presents from anyone that says hi to me in the halls at church.

Sincerely,

Shower-Me-This

Davy, one day old, before he turned green.

I Love Paris in the Spring Time

I thought I'd spare you the redundancy of reading about my Valentines Day. Quick summary: chocolate M&M cookies, sugar cookies, window jam cookies, homemade dipped chocolates, heart shaped pancakes, more cookies, punch-out vintage Valentines, pink bow-ties, "surprise" Daddy at work, pink and white roses, Justin sacrificing dinner out to paint a kid's room, and homemade pizza. That about sums it up.


On to a more current and pressing topic: getting ready to have a baby. In just 8 short/long weeks I'm scheduled to deliver a baby girl. Fortunately I have lots to do before her arrival. I've never delivered early and don't plan to, but it would be even nicer if we weren't beginning a painting project right when she arrives. In the case of my previous 3 births, I was sewing curtains with my mom the night before delivery. Yes, I know that you don't need hanging curtains to bring a baby home, and good thing. Nothing gets done for months after the baby is born, so it's do it now or suffer without.

Nothing makes me feel more organized and accomplished than a good to-do list, and since this must be interesting to at least three of you. Here's my
"To Do Before the Baby Arrives" (Note how much of it is really Justin's to-do):

-finish up the closets with baskets and reorganization. January was "closet month" in our house, it wasn't fun, but everyone has moved around and Justin installed shelves in all 3 kid's room closets. A few tragic closets were cleaned out and organized. (Thanks Maggen and Becky!) So glad the worst of it is over.

-Move Trevor into guest room, make it a boy room. This should be easy since we don't need to re-paint, aqua blue can work for a boy too, and we don't need new furniture. It's a matter of taking the feminine details out and adding punches of red, yellow and boy.

-Re-paint mural in what will be the "little boys" room. I realize this might not seem urgent to most of you, but the room is ready for a new look and if we're going to get it done, this is the time.

-Move Whitman in with Davy. Figure out crib situation. Pray this goes well.

-find and purchase matching small dressers to use as nightstands in the master bedroom. "I won't have another baby with this tiny nightstand!!" It's just a matter of finding a nice looking pair. It's not so easy. Hint: I would appreciate any affordable leads.

-Once all off the above is done, finally start the baby's room! See question at bottom of page for more details on this.


-cancel my gym membership. Who's kidding who?

-Stock a newborn girl's wardrobe full of pinks and soft colors in classic and/or vintage baby style. You guys, this is so hard. You don't know how I suffer. Oh and I should probably pick up a car seat.

-pick new dentist and get my teeth clean. So important.

-stock up on household supplies. Anything I buy now-toilet paper, hand soap, chocolate chips- I wonder, will I need to replenish this before the baby arrives?

-Clean out garage. This is driving me nuts, Justin.


-Finally, have the house spotlessly clean. This includes having the carpets cleaned and all the moldings clean and paint retouched if needed.

There are several other things I would like to see done (picture wall in master, crown molding put up, finally commit to a living room chair), but the above is the must-do list.


On that note: Dear Alisha,

Have you started dreaming/decorating the nursery for your little princess? Please share your ideas/progress for the curious of heart. Sincerely,
An Indulging Friend

I gave up dreaming of girl rooms two boys ago. I still have an old idea sitting around and I think I'll use it. It also happens to be my favorite thing about spring: blossoming cherry trees. Feast your eyes:


and finally, what Justin will work from...

Perfect for a baby girl due in spring! I still have to figure out how to translate all of this beauty into a room. I love pink, as those of you who visited my last house may have noticed, but it can also be nauseating when it's too much.

Here is my problem, this is my current view from the chair in the baby's room:

It looks even better in person. I still love it and I'm reluctant to slop paint over it in hopes that I'll love the next mural too.

Also, I really want an iron crib. Since this will probably be our last child, it's hard to justify the expense. Unlike a far-thinking friend of mine, I can't buy one with the plan of holding on to it for grandchildren. I may just go with something simple like this:

...or just deal with the same crib my three boys used.

Oh! Lastly, I won't ever refer to my daughter as a princess or worse, a diva. It sounds too indulgent.

Adult Bullies, A Concerned Friend

Dear Alisha,

My good friend just moved away and is having trouble adjusting to a new city and making good friends. To make things worse someone in her new church group is a total bully and likes making fun of people in public. The way I see it, most women have enough trouble liking themselves as it is - the last thing they need is someone being openly rude and poking fun at them. My friends and I lucked out I guess and left the High School drama, well, in High School. But apparently some women still get a kick out of being better than everyone else. Do you have any suggestions on how she could deal with this?

Sincerely,
A Concerned Friend


Dear Friend,

Congratulations! Your question has been selected to receive the "full treatment service", or something like that till I think of better name. What this means:

-I will answer your question. (big deal)

-Janalee, my BFF and an avid, sensible blogger, will as well. Find her blog here.

-A 3rd blogger will weigh in. This time it is a friend of Jana's who goes by "Real". We picked her because she seems sensitive and smart. Find her answer here.

-None of us read each others answers or even consult with each other until the post publishes. So you get each of our takes with out each others opinions.

So let's answer your question. I feel sympathy for your "friend". It can be especially lonely in a new place. I'm glad she's making an effort to get to know new people. I am going to choose to believe that your friend really is around an adult bully and that is is not her own perception, and handle the question accordingly. I've been racking my brain, but I can't think of a single adult bully that I know. Especially in a friend/church type situation. That leads me to think.... maybe I'm the bully!!! Without meaning to be, of course. I am loud, opinionated, and I try to get other people to do things...

Don't get angry but I'm going to defend people of my type. We don't mean to be offensive-well, not exactly... We don't mean to be more than slightly offensive, to get a laugh or elicit a response. Because I don't mind prying questions, in fact I invite them, I am happy to ask them of other people. It let's you get to know them better. Maybe this bully is testing you, I mean your friend, to see what she is like. It's her way of getting to know someone new.

Making fun of others isn't nice. Even if it can be funny. If this continues I would suggest your friend tries to speak with her privately. She could say something like "it really hurts my feelings when you impersonate my singing, ...could you please stop?" My bet is that she'll apologize or backpedal, maybe not realizing that she has been mean. All bullies want friends, right? Didn't we learn that from Arthur? So still offer her friendship and a way to make up.

If it continues, or if she is cruelly making fun of someone else, next time you hear "She looks looks like 20 pounds of ham in a 10 pound bag!", or whatever, at that moment pipe up with "that's not a very nice thing to say". Let it be known that you don't appreciate/approve of it. Beside it being the right thing to do, and since most people are kind, you will make more friends in the group this way too.

Good luck! Remind her that it usually takes an outgoing year to feel like you have friends in a new area.
Have any of you had to deal with adult bullies? Really? How'd it go?

I was a little rushed today, Jana got the days mixed up, (she's so like that), and I had minutes to deliver my response. You probably can't tell the difference between this and something I've thought about and worked on for days. Anyways, if you like this new idea, let us know. Not all future Q & A's will be serious. Also, don't get too excited, My Readers, you're stuck with just me most of the time.