The Reluctant MotherDear Alisha,
I am curious on your take of how much activity a child should be involved in. My daughter is ready for her first birthday. Today another Mom commented that she liked to take her 18 month daughter out each and every day to do something, and doesn't believe in her just playing at home for the day. I admit that I often stay at home all day and play with my daughter, sometimes several days a week. So am I just a lazy Mom and should be getting my baby more involved?
How much is too much, and how little is too little?
Sincerely,
Trying to be a good Mom
Dear Good Mom,
In my humble opinion, the balance between keeping a toddler occupied and keeping your own sanity is hardest with the first child. By the time a second child arrives, they go along with the older child's activities and they get to play with the older child, whether that be good or bad.
When I was at home with my first, I had a friend also with her first that would tell me about her day. "We get up around 5:30 and have music dance time where I put on peppy music and dance around while holding Baby K. She loves it! Then after a nutritious breakfast we get dressed and go on a child led walk, you know that kind where the toddler leads and I just follow? After that we come home and have a snack while we go over our alphabet flash cards. She is only 15 months old but doesn't know her letter 'X' yet, should I be worried? After that we snuggle and have child led story time, where we read starting at whatever part of the book she wants and in what ever order she wants. After that she takes a nap in my bed. Once she is asleep I sneak out to clean the house before she wakes up for 'find yourself in art' time...." Hearing the whole thing made me exhausted and disgusted.
My point is this: if you don't mind staying home all the time and your child seems relatively happy, there is no problem. You do not need to take 'jazz appreciation for baby' or other classes for your child to be happy. I think many mothers of one child go out every day more for themselves than their child. For me I felt caged in and a little bored staying home all the time with one child, so I went out and invented errands and took him with me. It sounds like you like staying at home with your baby, so enjoy it as it will not last forever.
But what do our readers think?
The little squirt in the middle is my first child. I didn't even own a body shaper back then.
7 comments:
While obviously your life will change after having a child I don't believe in letting the child run your life. This is hard the first few months seeing as how newborns need so much help. By a year though you should be able allow your child to be a part of your world. I don't mean to make this sound as though you should not consider your child in your decision maligned process.
An example- I get stir crazy if I stay home all day, not everyone does. I like goin out and doing things. Because I get stir crazy I will go shopping or go grab lunch, or
somehing that I enjoy. I have does this since my first child was a baby. He is two and a half and I hve a 6 month old. They are both well behaved in public (because they are
used to being out) but they know we will be home when it is nap time.
Wait, let me make this more simple. Children are extremely adaptable and work well with what they are taught. Like Alisha said, as long as they are mostly happy and taken care of then stay at home, go out, teach your child Russian! Remember though, that you're teaching your child habits
I have a 16 month old and I do get bored at home. He gets bored too. Just like Alisha and Megan in the comment above said, I like to get out of the house, run errands, play in the park, visit friends. Today I went to "book babies" at the library because I was really desperate to get out and it was a blast! Do not teach your kid that your life and the whole world revolves around them! By taking them along on normal, varied activities, and by keeping yourself happy, the kid will learn a lot about the world, how to behave in public, and all kinds of valuable life lessons. I think :)
Just like adults, kids have different preferences. My first kid liked going out to the park and whatnot, but she was happiest at home. She's still a homebody. I've found that I have to plan things to get her out of the house for and she has fun at those activities, but she's happy to be home again. I have other children who would rather be anywhere but home as much as possible, and can't find a single interesting thing to do at home. I think it's a matter of getting to know your child as well as balancing your own preferences. I don't think there's a "one size fits all" answer.
I needed this post too. I struggle with the balance of enjoying my kids while still "trying to be a good mom". I love the advice given about enjoying and savoring the moments. The most important thing is that your children know you love and care about them. So weather you guys feel like playing legos or finding yourselves in art (haha), don't waste this precious time comparing yourself to other moms.
ps- I'm pretty sure the "Brawny Gringo" summary was a bad knock off of the movie "Johnny Lingo" ;) Haha, will never read or hear the word "reluctant" without giggling again.
My two kids are so active that I have to get them out somewhere, almost everyday when they were younger. Now, they are a little bit older, and can play together, I have "SH" day - Stay Home day. Where we go no where, and just hang out and relax. The purpose is also for them to get use to the idea of having nothing plan, and figure out their own entertainment. They really play together, and you can see the imagination kick in, and its fun to watch what they come up with.
Lien
The mom who lets her child control everything is really going to hate that kid in a couple of years when that child still controls everything. Good luck there lady.
I think you should be you. Your child is part you and if you want to stay at home most likely your child does too. I personally like to go out and do things a couple of times a week, and so do my kids. But there are days when you can tell that your kids don't want to go out, but you have to run that errand for milk. I dread errands on days like that.
Being home doesn't mean you're not teaching you child things either. Do you read to them? Play pretend, color, sing songs to them? Everything you do influences your child, and really only you can judge what's best for them.
Love that dress in the last picture.
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