Lost in Transformers

from Traditional Home

Dear Alisha,

I have two boys that have to share a room. One likes Transformers and the other likes Hot Wheels. I like neither. How do I decorate their rooms in way that they will love and that I can tolerate?

Sincerely,
Lost in Transformers and Hot Wheels

Dear Lost,

I am going to take a deep breathe and try to be patient with you as I attempt to shed some light on your design dilemma. That you would even consider decorating a room with Hot Wheels or Transformers lets me know that I have my work cut out for me. Why on earth would you think to base a room design on the temporary play toy of a child? Do you plan on redecorating a 9 months from now when your children have moved on to Legos and dinosaurs? Hey! I like watching The Office, should I buy an official Office bedspread for my own room?

Rather than commit to such a limited "theme", think of a room that encourages imaginative play or is just pleasing to the eye. Seeing the same image over and over again, like a Transformer bed cover and Transformer pillows with a Transformer wall decal becomes boring as well as tacky. It is limiting to the mind and does not encourage kids to think and dream. If you must have a theme, something like a silhouette of a city painted on the walls could look nice. (If I'm not mistaken, both Transformers and Hot Wheels favor the city, right?) Just make sure the room looks good regardless of what toy or fad your children are going threw. Don't forget that the adults own the house.

A few notes:
I recommend classic, somewhat basic furniture that works for a toddler but won't embarrass a teenager. Because new kids furniture is almost always cheaply made, full of chemicals, and over priced; I almost always buy children's furniture off Craigslist.

Pick a color scheme and make it livable to all members of the house. If you are the type that wants to involve your boys in the decision making process, work with their favorite color and remind them that their bedspread is green because that was what they said they liked.

Pick out the bedding before you buy the paint. Paint it easy to customize and bedding is not.

Do not make the foolish mistake of taking your children to a store and say "which bedspread looks good to you"?! Of course the child will pick the Sponge Bob or Diego cover, they don't know better. It is our job as parents to save them. A better idea would be to bring home two different bedspreads, both of which you approve of and works with your color scheme, and let your child pick between the two.

I have found that my boys did not know exactly what they wanted in a bedroom besides it being cool. I considered their interests and preferences while designing the room, but it was ultimately my plan. They were happy and felt special and catered to when they saw the room finished.
To get your mind out of the Design Gutter, I stole these pictures of cool boys rooms for you. Most of these same rooms I have pulled out of magazines and have sitting in my design notebook.

What could be more inspiring than my own boys bedroom? I love the beds, bought from an estate sell found on Craigslist. The mural was a compromise. I won't lie, it was rough. I think we all like the end results but I don't know if any of us love it. (don't be angry baby)

The rest of these images our from Domino Magzine- Oh how I miss you.

Adventurous with out dumbing down the furniture or the fabrics.

Boy Chic.

Don't you love the dramatic but controlled color palatte? A red accent wall would have ruined the room. Note that you don't have to match the toys.How can you not love a childs room based around a chinese red dresser?

Boy/Girl room is saved by classic matching bed frames and a sensible rug.

My bedroom. Because that's the scene of the crime for this next question.

Against my better judgment and the warnings of trusted friends, I am answering this suspicious question. After not posting for a week, I feel I owe you something interesting to debate.

Dear Alisha,
My wife has a terrible habit of passing gas while under the covers. She goes to bed before me almost every night. So when I flip the covers at the end of a long day, I'm hit with a wave of sulfur. I don't find it very lady like and it absolutely repulses me. When I bring it up to her, it's all denial and she gets very offended that I would even suggest that she does such a thing. It's not helping our romantic life. The reminder of the smell, makes me throw up a little in my mouth.

Sincerely,
Suffering with Sulfur

Dear Suffering with Sulfur,

Like I said, I am suspicious. I have never known a woman to behave this way. But maybe, like women abusing men, it's hushed up and swept under the covers. I am willing to bet that at least 50% of my readers are now asking themselves "wait, is that my husband who asked the question!? No wait, he goes to bed before me. Whew."

If you are telling the truth, our Suffering Husband, then your wife seems to have a gastric problem. I suspect a food allergy, something that is not agreeing with her system. It can take some work to figure out the culprit, but obviously it's worth it in the long run. Other possibilities include a side effect from medication or could she be pregnant? I hope you are not the kind of husband I have heard about that allows himself to pass gas freely, around his wife at any time, any place, but throws a baby fit if she lets one little toot slip free. There's a special place in hell for those kind of pigs.

Anyways, I'm going to take this opportunity to lecture women on the virtues of keeping your Romantic Life thriving. Our husbands see us at our worst (think sick, vomiting, post pardum, stranded with out toilet paper and on and on). Hopefully he has also seen you at your best. But it's the in between that makes up most of our lives. In this same vein, I have a few suggestions for helping women stay alluring in their husbands eyes. (Straight from the Facinating Women handbook. Just kidding.):

• Do not parade around the house in your most hideous, unflattering underwear, you know what I mean.
• Unless necessary, keep information on unpleasant bodily functions to yourself.
• Keep your more gruesome grooming (tweezing unwanted hair, your need for extra strength deodorent, femine supply products, etc) to yourself.
• Use the bathroom fan.
  
• Look your best at least once a week. In case you are wondering, I shoot for twice a week.
• The rest of the time try to look respectable and somewhat attractive.
• Do not pass smelly gas around the house and expect him not to notice. Gross.

Is that so much to ask? The above wisdom is applicable to men and women alike. A lot more could be said on this subject, but my advice is based on the subject matter of today's question.
In the comment room I welcome your opinion and tasteful advice for Suffering with Sulfur.

If you have other advice to share as it pertains to bodily functions and marital romance, I cautiously invite you to share it. (This is also a test. Don't make me turn on comment moderation.)

*Dear Mr. Suffering, I forgot to get after you for being so passive about your complaint. Read Rachel D's advice in the comment room to find out your roll in this.

What could be the last of "Where's Whitman"

(Cloth Napkins) Uncovered

Justin told me to quit stealing images, so for now you're stuck with my photos. Yes, we eat with these every night.*

Dear Alisha,
I want some fabric dinner napkins. You'd think after being married for 10+ years that I would have outgrown the paper ones. Alas, every dinner function - ach - even formal-ish ones...I pull out our trusty stack of paper napkins - making everyone feel as if we're at picnic. Where can I buy some? What do I look for? Polyester that won't stain? Plain cotton? Linen hem-stitch? (I don't mind ironing). Then we're on to WHAT color? Oh the possibilities. I'm so confused.

Sincerely,
Uncovered

Dear (Cloth Napkins) Uncovered, (I have to watch what I call you, we don't want to attract an unsavory crowd.)
I do not know whether to praise you or scold you. Let's start with a little of each. I'm so glad you have decided to join the civilized world and use real napkins. I don't want to over sell their elegance, but your whole life is about to change. As you dot the corners of your mouth with a soft, absorbent, lovely piece of fabric; you will wonder how you ever survived the past with crumpled, withered paper napkins.
Now comes the scolding: they are just napkins! You are not investing in a sofa or a college education. There is not even a lot of research to be done: anything you buy will be better than paper. I like both cheap and expensive as both have their charms. But since you seem the type of person who likes details and research, I will elaborate.

I generally prefer 100% cotton or linen napkins 20" by 20"or larger. Most polyester napkins are horrible, their only selling point is that you usually don't have to iron them. Their draw backs are that they are so unabsorbent that their users hands feel dirtier after having wiped them on the napkin, they show oil stains, and they look cheap. Some restaurant supply stores sell polyester napkins that are more absorbent and mimic the look of linen, but since you have already established yourself to be a person of character-one who doesn't mind ironing**-then just buy cotton or linen. That's what most stores sell anyways.

I would start with white. They look elegant and can be combined with anything. I like a nice hemstitch but really, any decent white napkin will do. I own the hotel white napkins from Pottery Barn with a white monogrammed 'G' on them. I like them well enough, they are thick, but like other napkins that I have purchased at stores like Macy's or Marshalls just as well. A word of advise: buy napkins you like but remember that your guests will be wiping their dirty mouths and hands on them. Do not make them irreplaceable or of such value that you will not want to actually use them. Have a few extra of a set so that if a couple are stained or torn you still have enough. I never buy less than 8 of anything for the table but of course 12+ is better.

Once you have established yourself as a respectable person who owns white napkins, feel free to move on to color. Burnt orange in the fall, pink at Valentines, sky blue in the summer, any or all would jazz up your table of previously discussed white dinner plates.
Hurry! You don't have time to waste!

A selection of my white napkins, at the ready.

To prove I'm not making this crap up, my colored napkin drawer. (The red and creams are in my ironing basket. I pack my Christmas linens with my Christmas decor, like any of you care.) I missed out on a set of violet napkins this fall at Target. They sold so fast that there was only one four pack left for me to drool over. Other napkins were purchased at Pier One, more from Target, Marshalls, I made the pink, the green were given to me.

Hemstitched linens available at Pottery Barn, set of 6 for $54. A little pricey, but hey, if you have money to throw away, they are a great basic.

Also pricey and available from PB. My birthday is in April... (I don't really need them)

The photo is lousy, but this set of 12 from Target is only $15. I don't mind light weight napkins, which I assume these are.

These break my "irreplaceable" rule but keep my "if you have it, use it" rule. Given to me by my Grandma, they are hand embroidered, light as air, delicate as a baby, linen that I use for Easter Dinner only. Love them!

* I am lying. We use them when company comes over and occasionally on our own. I am trying to teach our 3 boys to be civilized.
**More on the subject of Ironing later. Surprisingly, I have an opinion.

Now it's your turn to brag: Raise your hand if you use cloth napkins.

Friends in High Places, Tell Me Your Income

Dear Alisha,

I have a friend who is constantly reminding me that she and her husband makes 'a lot, a lot of money' .. but it seems every conversation we have, she manages to incorporate this statement into every topic. How do I shut her up?

Friends in high places

Dear Friends in High Places (we'll call you FiHP),

I can't tell you how much this question delights me. I'm almost giddy typing my answer! Your friend is practically begging you to ask how much she makes. She is dying to tell you and she wants you to be impressed. Is she a close friend? She could just be really excited about a new raise. But most likely she wants to brag and make herself feel accomplished. To show such vulnerability, such desperate need for approval, gives you the upper hand.

If I were you I'd enjoy it. This rarely happens and you are already taking the high road by not reminding her of how rich you are (I assume). If you really want her off your back, just ask her in private next time she brings it up "oh, so just how much do you make? Really? And do you hate taxes like all rich people"? Okay, leave out that last sentence. She just needs a figurative pat on the head for her big income. It will be all the sweeter if she and her husband don't make very much money. (Snarkle, snarkle.)

I love this subject because I love it when people brag about money and I love to find out how much money people make, rich or poor. The bragging is delightful because it's such a taboo subject and a true brag shows, like I already said, the braggers need for approval and praise. Oh we are so impressed!

It's not just me, everyone wants to know what other people make. I like to know rich incomes, though rarely shared, because then I figure "okay, that's what it takes to live like that. What would I do with the money?" Or if someone makes less money I have more admiration for them, like "wow, they are really good at budgeting, I want to know their tips". Or "remind me not to ask them out to eat with us at an expensive restaurant". It also lets me know what people prioritize. If they make a smaller income but have a decent sized house it shows they are thinking long term and want to have lots of kids. Or if they make a lot of money and live in an apartment but drive really nice cars I would think they are thinking short term but like to look impressive.

So as a treat to me, and to all my readers, in the comment room tell me how much money your household made last year. You and your significant other combined, if that applies. Or you could say: me $20k, him $15k. Get it? I assume all comments will be anonymous but won't complain if they're not.

I welcome all other comments on this subject as well. This had better be good!

New In Town

Come on out little wall flower

Dear Alisha,
A recent move to a new state has left me with scantily few distant friends. What's your tricks to making friends?

New In Town

Dear New One,

I have an idea! Do nothing! Stay home as much as possible. When you do go out, keep to yourself and be quiet. Wait for others to notice you and and attempt to befriend you. When someone asks how you like living in your new town, be sure and mention in a humble, slightly sad voice, how you don't feel like you have any friends. Oh! And add how this group/ward/workplace seems really clickish.

Okay, New One, I like you. I can tell you're not like the above mentioned person. I know it can be hard, but "putting yourself out there" doesn't apply to just dating. Or expensive dinners. Attend all meetings and activities that you are invited to.(If you are not a part of a church, join one.) Make an effort to introduce yourself and find common interests with others. Join in conversations. Share a talent or hobby of yours. For example, when I'm getting to know someone and I want to encourage the friendship, I might drop off a delicious treat at their home with a note. You could also take something special to work. You want them to think 'now there's someone I'd like to be friends with who also wants to be friends with me'. A little friendly and inviting is good. Watch that you don't go too far with your hopeful friend, like joining in her every conversation, following her home, calling her all hours of the night, or copying her clothing. Then your new friend would think 'crazy and desperate'. Just be the friendly version of yourself.

Also, don't judge a book by it's cover. I often find that some of my favorite friends I did not even notice at first, they weren't very stylish (What? is she talking about me?), and it took some time to nurture and develop our friendship. When I moved to Forest Grove I attended church right away and scanned the room for potential friends. I spotted a well dressed new mother and thought we'd hit it off. That friendship didn't really work out but I a few months later I was doing my VTing and met Angie and thought she was funny. We hung out again when we were both invited to a Halloween party. Our friendship slowly blossomed and now were' BFFs. But you see at first I didn't even notice her because she sat in the back, was quiet, and is from Idaho.

I think it takes a year to feel established and have friends in a new area, but it doesn't have to if you get busy now.

Does anyone else have any ideas for our new friend?

*I know what you are all thinking. That photo of me is awesome. Don't worry, it can apply to many situations and I'm sure to use it again.

Blasmephous Rhumors

Wait, what's with the graininess of this photo? My skin looked flawless in iphoto!! And my finger looks like it belongs to a stubby witch!

Lately, I have had a couple of conversations with trusted friends who, naturally, have asked about my blog. After praising my wise advise and hanging on my every word, they seemed surprised to learn that I do not make up the Dear Alisha questions.

"But those questions sounds like what you like to talk about". Of course they do! For two reasons: Most people asking the questions know me and know my many areas of expertise. The second is I pick and choose which questions I want to answer.

The Questions truly are anonymous. I do not know who asks the questions unless they sign with their real name. Let's keep this an option by only asking appropriate questions, shall we? A tip- ask an interesting question in an interesting way, and keep it fairly short.

If you have asked a good question that you think deserves an answer but I have over looked your plea, the answer might still be coming. Or it probably won't hurt to ask again.

Thank you Dear Readers! Rest assured the questions are real and vital.

Craving Comfort with Pillow Talk

Dear Alisha,

After going through a divorce, leaving all furniture behind and moving to another state, I haven't been able to make my new place really feel like home. Any ideas? Affordable, please.

Oh, and bear in mind that I have a super-energetic 14 month old boy that seems to require extra, EXTRA babyproofing. Gets into everything.
Help me make my house a home!

Sincerely,
Craving Comfort

Dear Comfort Craver,

Clutter is the enemy of design and it sounds like you are lucky enough to be living in a house not over-run with overly sentimental crap! I have two suggestions for making your house feel like your home:
1)Art. Art you love, art you already have. If you don't have a stash of art work, frame everyday objects or make a photo wall. Framed photos are sure to bring in familiarity. My tip is to group them all together to make one composition rather than scattering little frames around the house. I don't care if the frames match or not, in fact I kind of like it better when they don't. In fact, I don't care if they are even framed.

2)No matter how ugly your sofa is or isn't, consider buying or making a few stunning pillows. The pillows should be in a color you LOVE and crave and screams "you". Patterns or pictures are also acceptable, just make sure you love them.

Good Luck Comfort!
While we're on the subject, let's take this question from "Pillow Talk" who seems a little flustered:

Dear Alisha-
Do you have any great tips on choosing and coordinating pillows on sofas and loveseats?? I feel like I have a pretty good handle on color and design except, for some reason, when it comes to the pillows on my couches.
I know it's a good idea to have at least one pillow that ties in your room's whole color scheme, and I also want to include texture and pattern to make it interesting and warm, but at the same time I also don't want a bazillion pillows on these couches since they are in my family room. Should I buy four of the same pillow as a 'base' for the corners and then work up from there? Should the sofa and loveseat both have the same arrangement on them? I want it to look well put-together and coordinating, but not expected and boring. Do you have any great pics to share? I feel like I've bought a ton of pillows and arranged them every which way and I'm still at a loss.. can you help??

Sincerely,
Pillow Talk

Dear Pillow Talk,
Take a deep breath. It sounds like you already know the basics. Yes, your sofa and loveseat pillows should relate to one another, but you're over thinking this. There are no hard and fast design rules for "pillows".
My tip to you is similar to Craver's: stop buying pillows, use what you have for now, and when you see something you LOVE, something you think is perfect or for some inexplicable reason is charming to you, then buy the pillow(s).

A warning to YOU and ALL MY READERS: I do not enjoy looking up photos on the internet. Yes, it's often a necessary evil but I find it tedious. My personal inspiring photo file is ripped from magazines and no, I will not scan them all in for you. I like paper. I would have answered your question days ago had I not felt obliged to include "great pics".

That said here are a few photos to casually browse threw. I assure you, the little snippet of inspiration you might gleen won't be worth the hassle on my end. (Yes, I'm cranky in the afternoon.)

Aren't these monochromatic pillows perfect?

Monochromatic in my own living room. The complicated story of how I chose the pillows: I was shopping for a faucet and came upon them. Done. Someday I may jazz them up a little. Ignore the baby. I do.

Can you even imagine this room with out the pop of pink?

It just works.

My own family room started simple enough, casual, but I wanted to mix it up a bit and before you know it....

..I'm on pillow overload. I don't use them all at once, but I sometimes I want a pop of color in spring or warm tones and a throw for fall, or a bit of plaid for Christmas or... Does this look like I should be giving out advice?

Jumbled pillows that work.

These pillows are all under $30. The top left and top right patterned pillows are from Pier 1. Looks like I'm taking a trip there tonight if anyone wants to join me....

Christmas Treat Wrap-Up

I know we're all sick of desserts and rich foods by now, sort of, and we've sworn to turn over a new leaf this new year. But I promised you a rundown of delivered holiday sweets and a rundown you'll get. With a warning: part of this post will make you mad. Really mad.

Here's what happened: as promised, I faithfully took pictures of each and every delivered-with-love treat. I took the photo in the same spot with the same camera lens each time so as to be fair to everyone. Then if you'll remember from my Muppet Glam post, I had a camera problem. It kept flashing "error" and I called my husband who casually said "well did you try reformatting the memory card"? And I got off the phone and learned how to reformat the memory card by myself. It didn't fix the problem but it did erase all my precious photos from the past 10 to 12 days. Baked goods, kids, a Christmas card expose, loving memories- all gone.

Yes, I've been angry and hurt, but let's make the most of the little we have. First let me say that I appreciated each and every delicious sweet delivered to our family. I marveled at the care put into every plate/box/bowl/sack.This was my first delivery. I was not prepared yet, so the kids got to the cookies before I could snap an untouched photo. There were 3 variety of cookies and they were arranged very nicely. The cookies were freshly baked but not homemade. I'm pretty sure Otis Spunkmeyer made the dough. The paper plate and foil cover thrilled me. I was suppose to make 3 plates of cookies and spread the 'Spirit of Christmas' around. I had mild intentions of doing so but I never did. I already had enough treats to deliver and didn't add in 3 more that I wouldn't get credit for. That's the spirit!

This pumpkin roll was Perfect, tasted so good. Even Dora thought so.

A non-sweet treat delivery. I stole Davy's notepad for to-do lists. The bell attached to the pipe cleaner was Whitman's favorite Christmas toy.

( )
Then here is where everything goes black. Empty. Like in New Moon when Edward leaves. The photos of short bread and glazed sugar cookies and bags of toffee and cheesecake cups and chocolate covered pretzels-gone.

Also sad, you're missing what I delivered during this time period. I kept it simple: sacks of cookies. Of course I dressed them up! The sacks had a window and there was ribbon and vintage tags involved. The cookies were either molasses (for the humble) or chocolate cherry chip (for the rich).

Then just days before Christmas I really got serious and planned a Day of Baking. I thought I would make it easier and not make sugar cookies. Yes, they are amazingly delicous but they take soo long to make and frost! So I thought gingerbread would be a little faster, plus I found these stunning gingerbread house treat boxes. What would be cuter than opening it to find your family made into gingerbread cookies?! Well I was a fool. Gingerbread cookies were not faster: the dough was hard to work with and I felt pressure to make each cookie look like the person it represented. Which failed. And they didn't taste as good as sugar cookies. Some people received gingerbread families and others received gingerbread sheep with candy cane brownies.

This is the Garrity family in Gingerbread.

Now here is where I started to loose it: the packing of all these treats took hours. Over 3 frantic, ignore the children hours. It shouldn't have, I thought I kept it simple, but it did. No two boxes were the same, each having slight variations in either the box or the quantity of cookies or the ribbons. Don't ask me why I couldn't just come up with an assembly line method. Like I said, I was frantic. It was a sunny day and I had planned on having my sweet smiling children deliver the boxes to our beloved friends in the afternoon.

Example of delivered box.

This was the contents for a small family, 2 adults and 1 toddler = 4 brownies and 4 ginger sheep. Please don't say they look like porcupines.

As I drove around in the now dark with my car loaded full of 9 treat boxes and 3 unhappy children, my emotions ranged from the satisfied feeling of having completed such a large task and anger at what you all made me do. Yes you, all of you. I felt the pressure and it consumed me the days before Christmas. And I looked terrible.

A couple of days after Christmas it snowed here. Caught up in the romanticism of winter, I starting rolling out sugar cookie dough into the shapes of snowflakes and mittens and caps. So you see, I do this to myself. Like the victim returning to the abuser, I'm asking for it. And I loved Christmas this year.