It's Just Lunch

We are currently in the heart of a lone and dreary winter.  During the summer time I throw little lunch parties to cheer myself up and give us something to look forward to.  It is usually just a couple of friends and their kids.   At the beginning of summer I make a list of potential guests I'd like to invite.  I didn't even make it through half the list this year. So as there is happily very little going on this month, and my kids are getting a little wild, why not have friends over for lunch?


It is like a play date at the park only a lot more work, less exercise, and better tasting. It works better for us if I invite friends who have children so that my own children have something to look forward to as well.
One nice thing about lunch is that your expectations are low, so it is easy to impress.
Here is my [easy] winter lunch menu:


Curried Carrot Soup with Crispy Cheese Sandwiches.

Carrot Soup is super simple and tastes better than it sounds.  As a favor, here is the recipe:


2 onions chopped
a pat or two of butter
1.5 pounds of carrots, cut into 1 inch pieces
4 to 6 cups chicken or vegetable broth
1 to 2 TBL Bombay Sweet Curry (from Costco, see not fancy) or any mild curry


Brown onions in butter.  Add curry to onions. Add chicken stock and carrots, boil till carrots are tender.   Puree soup in blender.  You can keep keep it on warm till needed.
Garnish with a dollop of plain yogurt and cilantro, if you have it.


Cheese Sandwiches shouldn't need a recipe but as a suggestion try using sourdough or french wheat bread,  a variety of cheeses, melters like Gruyere or Gouda and sharper like Parmesan or Kerrygold dubliner.  I stuck a little fresh basil in too.  You can use a sandwich press if you want a crispy sandwich with out butter, or just "grill" it in butter. (Why is it called grilling when really it is frying in butter?)

What's a party without dessert?  My Grandma suggested something warm and cozy like a pudding or lava cake.  She lives in Arizona where there is no winter so it sounds romantic to them.  Her suggestion was golden.  I had not made a lava cake in years.  It was warm, rich, decedent and easy, without tempting leftovers.  After reacquainting myself, here is my recipe: 
Lava Cake
1 scanty cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
1 oz unsweetened chocolate chopped up
10 TBL butter
3 eggs
3 egg yolks
1/2 tsp vanilla
1/2 tsp orange oil or almond extract or whatever flavor fancies you
1/2 cup flour
1 1/2 cup powdered sugar


Butter 6 ramekin or custard cups.  In a sauce pan, melt butter and chocolate together.  Remove from heat.  Mix in all eggs and extracts.  Sprinkle in flour and powdered sugar, then mix just till smooth.  Divide batter evenly into ramekins.  
Heat oven to 425
When you are about to sit down to lunch, pop these in the oven, on a tray.  Bake for exactly 14 minutes. (Use a timer).  The cake should be firm on the edges but runny in the middle.  That's the lava part.
Remove from oven and let sit till just cool enough to handle.  Use a knife to loosen edges as far down as you can.  Invert onto a pretty plate and serve warm with a generous dollop of sweetened whipped cream.


Ready to invert..

The finished product.

Chocolate Lava Cake

Dear Not Running (Out of Steam)

Dear Alisha,
Where to begin? I am a mother who is struggling a bit. Let me begin my saying that I love my children and my husband and I wouldn't really want any other life than this.

But some days, I feel like I could run away and be happier just living on my own with no noses to wipe, diapers to change, sleep to lose, or messes to clean up. Most days I feel great. And I really do. I love my life and I love the company of my children. It's just sometimes it creeps in (and lately it has been creeping in more often) -- the feeling that I have to get out of here. I can't bear to argue with a toddler for one more minute, or to listen to whining all day long. If anybody makes one more mess that I have to clean up, I'm going to scream.

One thing that really makes me sad is that I always thought I would have a big family. I never anticipated it being this hard. And I think it's the monotony that makes it hard for me. And feeling like I am no longer just "me" I can't just go anywhere and do anything without the challenges of fighting and struggling with kids. (Can you tell that today is one of those bad days?) So thinking about having more children is a combination of feeling like our family isn't complete yet and feeling like I'm not sure I could handle more children.

Again, I wouldn't leave my family. So my question is, is this normal? Do all moms feel like this sometimes and it comes and goes and you just chalk it up to being tired and worn out and that it won't be like this forever? And if it's normal, I need some encouragement. Some uplifting words to get me through those long days that are so discouraging.

And if it's not normal, well, then I don't know where to go from here. Lots of prayers, I guess.

Sincerely,

Not Running

The first chance I get to escape from here.... 

Dear Not Running,

Have you been reading my journal??  I bet a large portion of mothers can identify with the feelings you are having.  

I have my ups and downs as a mother too.  It seems to me that the hardest phase was after I had two kids.  The lack of freedom -and sleep-was such an adjustment.  It was always a battle between what might entertain my kids and what I wanted to do. House work became never ending.  

Oddly, I find it easier now that I have more children.  I don't know if it's because my days are busier, have more of a routine,  or if I am more use to the lack of get-up-and-go freedom. Or maybe I'm better at ignoring whining.  Most likely I've adjusted my expectations.

I am trying to think of practical things that have helped me. These are loose suggestions:

Nourish yourself.  This is the stuff self-help books are made of.  I have even talked about it a little bit in a post here: Not a Teenager Anymore.  Really, keep your mind engaged and interested in life.  Just because your kids like dumb cartoons and juvenile stories doesn't mean you have to.  Don't be the kind of mom who sacrifices everything for her kids, including her own personality and interests.  Nobody wants that.

Find things you can look forward to doing with your children around.  It may be easier to think of things that you can look forward to doing without your children, and those are good too, savor them, but they aren't available all that often.  I am rather social and feel better when I'm not alone with my kids all day and sometimes all night.  For example, going to the park with my kids is mind numbingly boring.  But going to the park with my kids and other moms and their kids is fun.  Win-win. Persist in setting up park play dates.  "You feel like a good mom any day your kids play outside at the park."  I have tried baking with my kids with mixed results, probably more positive than not.  I like gardening while they dig dirt around me.  Recently I have taken to finding children's books that I actually enjoy reading.  It helps if they have gorgeous illustrations. 

I love this book by Gyo Fujikawa

Let your kids learn how to entertain themselves.  You don't want to be stuck doing that forever.

Your kids will not always be this demanding.  I enjoy the company of my older children.  They are less work and have interesting conversations with me.

Develop a good support network.  That might be helping your husband understand how you are feeling and help bear the load. It also means friends you can call up when you are having a bad day and need out of the house.  Or family or good friends you can email your deepest feelings and complaints to. Having a great group of friends and support will probably take some work and most likely will not just fall into your lap.

Remember that even when you were childless you still had obligations and responsibilities and not every day was bliss.  It is impractical to expect nirvana now.  This article has been circulating the web and I liked it: Don't Carpe Diem.  [There are probably hundreds of great articles and talks on this subject but do you own research.  Or maybe my readers will have something to offer you.] 
If your life doesn't seem perfect at all times, that doesn't mean you aren't doing a great job.  

Oh! Lastly, I don't regret having any of my kids.  I doubt you would regret another child if you felt like that was what you should be doing.  Let it be your decision and don't feel pressured by anyone .

But what do I know?  
How about it Readers?  What words of wisdom or encouragement do you have for our (not) Running Mother?

Dear Diary

I have that feeling like when you write in your journal for the first time in a year and you feel the need to re-hash what has happened and how you felt about it (and what you were wearing) but it's all too much for one entry. "Just start with where you are now" they say.

I am not sure if I am ready to re-commit to blogging, but here is a smattering of posts that I had started and never finished or things I have thought about or done over the last few months. Again, nothing is complete, I find I don't even complete my own sentences any

Here's how it's going to work:  I show you a few photos, many of which you have already seen if you follow me breathlessly close on Facebook.  I say what's in my head when I look at these, maybe even explain what the post was going to be had I finished it, and then you tell me how cute my kid is in the comment room.  Shall we begin?

Fall Fashion Trends as modeled by Violet

Ankle and mid-calf boots seem to be replacing knee high or over the knee boots.  I think they make my legs look shorter.  This doesn't mean you have to throw out your knee highs, they are a standard, but don't expect jeans tucked into knee high or taller boots to look cutting edge.

Gold.  It's everywhere.  It is not a color I can pull off on it's own, seeing how I don't have Violet's complexion but I found that it brought depth and richness to my standard gray, purple, and brown hues.


































Above: A frank discussion on jeans and jeggings and where we are at now.  Just when most of us had adjusted to skinny jeans, stores and magazines have displayed bootcut again!  And not a conservative bootcut, but rather the skin hugging and then flare suddenly out at the bottom kind.  The very jeans that I recently thought were so out of style.  With the wisdom of fall behind me, I don't think bootcut caught on big again.  Stylish women are still wearing skinny, fitted jeans.  But now you're allowed to do either, I guess.

Not shown because I never took the pictures:

-Vintage inspired black lace dress -I loved this and regret not taking the photos.

-Teal, the color-we were both going to wear it while both reading magazines.  Someday.

-Pleated shorts over stockings -something only a baby can wear.

Halloween:  Another excuse for a wig. 

Can you guess why I love this picture? Whitman is Aquaman, Justin is Sexy-(he's taken ladies)- Brainiac, and Davy is Super-thong-man.

Violet met her cousin Max, who is 6 weeks older and wiser.  As you can see, he was concerned for her comfort and welfare the whole trip.

I can't believe I'm even showing you Christmas pictures, so over it, but I have to say that I really enjoyed my flocked tree.  It was a spicy smelling fresh Frasier fur that was sprayed with whatever they flock a tree with, probably something terrible, but you don't have to water the tree or put it on a stand.  

Violet enjoyed it too.




Here's a picture of the whole tree...

Har, har.

I am still making Pavlova's and you can't stop me.



Christmas: another excuse for a wig.



New Years Eve:  What do you do if you are already married and don't drink?  Exactly.  I did decide to have a "dark dinner".  No electricity can be used anywhere in the house.  The fact that I was given two large candelabras for Christmas may have motivated me a little bit, but this could be done with sensible candles or food storage oil stuck in an old pumpkin or whatever.  We ate Thai food.  For good luck!

And Carrot Cake Cookies.  For good luck!  [I've been making this recipe for 10 years and it's golden, just as is.  Other options are to add chopped nuts, sub 3/4 cup drained pineapple for 1/2 cup of the sugar, and add orange zest to the filling.]

Finally, it snowed in my dining room the whole month of December.  I hung lightweight snowflake ornaments, maybe 2 dozen or so, on clear fishing wire attached to the ceiling with a clear thumbtack.  Magic.  But like most magic it needed to come down in early January.

Come back tomorrow for a real Q&A from a desperate mother!

Princess Arora

Dear Alisha,

I am going on a trip to Disneyland for four days with my in-laws next week. I am 4 months pregnant and I have a 21 month old. Do you have any advice for:
1- Dressing right for California Winter weather.
2- Maximizing fun and minimizing stress.
3- Coming home rested and relaxed.
4- Not wanting to kill my in-laws by the end of the trip.

I can't wait to hear what you have to say! (Before next Tuesday!)

Princess Arora

Dear Arora,

Okay, okay, I'll get this question in before you leave.
That you would ask travel advice from me is funny. Maybe you don't know me, but I am a terrible traveler. The worst. So maybe I am someone to ask advice from?

My two older boys, husband, and mother-in-law went to Disneyland this past summer. They loved it. I stayed home with our 1 year old because I thought I would spend all my time standing outside of rides with him in the heat. The weather turned out to be perfect (67 in August!) and most rides at Disneyland are young kid friendly. When you can't take a young kid on a ride, they give you a front of the line pass so you can go on it after the rest of your family does.

I'll tell you what little I know:
1)Dress in layers. Prepare for both warm weather and rain.
2)I don't know. Even driving on vacation is stressful to me. Keep it simple and don't try to over do it.
3) As a kid I loved Disneyland but also never could recall my legs and feet throbbing like they did at the end of a long day there. Don't try to beat every last minute of fun into your kids. Be realistic- you will probably come home tired and worn with loads of laundry and good memories.
4) I think your in-laws will be an asset. Lean on them to take the kids whenever possible. Don't try to do it all yourself. Let them feel like they were both needed and enjoyed.

Okay Readers, "it's your turn to shine", this is not my cup of tea, please give Princess Arora good advice!

Juicy Tidbit

No one asked, but I am going to take this opportunity to discuss "when to believe your children". We are going to use my middle son David as our example.
Davy is the more imaginative of my three boys. So when he says his ankle hurts, but switches back and forth between which foot he limps on, you don't really believe him. Or when he thinks his arm is broken and devises a sling for it, out of sympathy for his brother who really did break his arm, you don't need to worry. So when he nonchalantly mentions that "a lego might have gone up my nose", but proceeds through his day as if nothing was wrong, as a parent you quickly look up his nose and move on.

This week Davy was breathing kind of funny. It sounded like he was decompressing his chest in a gaspy way. Being asthmatic myself, just hearing it makes me gulp for air and really bugs me. So I started asking him questions: "does it hurt to breathe? (No.) Does it feel like your chest is tight? (No.) Do you feel are trying to get more air into your body" (um, maybe.)" "Maybe it's that lego in my nose, blocking it". This again?
The conversation went a little like this:

Me- Davy. Did you put a lego in your nose?
Davy- Um, I think a lego got in my nose.
Me- (sternly) -Davy, did you put a lego in your nose?
Davy- I can't remember.
Me- Yes you can. (Now in a sweet, coaxing voice), did you really put a lego in your nose and push it in?
Davy- Yes. It was a green one.

More quizzing lead to a confession that a long time ago, say this past fall, when he built a colorful lego ship, he pushed a green lego in. He could tell me which side of his nose he could still feel it. What an imagination!
I humored him a little bit, had him blow his nose to make sure air was coming out both sides, felt around in his nose for any bumps. Everything fine. The past few days he kept breathing loud and sticking to his lego story. He even repeatedly pointed to the same spot where he could feel the "lego". On the way to school this morning his breathing was really irritating me so after dropping him off I called his pediatricians office and soon brought him in for what I thought would be chest congestion. You can all see where this is going. Humor me, because I was shocked when she showed me this lodged in his nose:

(just the Lego, not the penny)

It took a few tries but she got it out. What kills me is that it was in there for months. MONTHS!
Did you put it in before or after Christmas Davy? "Waaaayy before Christmas"! The lego ship he was referring to was built in fall and I remember him mentioning the lego in his nose, the first time, around Halloween.

Nostrils flared.

Davy has a very small, pinched nose. It's a source of foolish pride for me. I can't imagine how irritating it would be to have a piece of plastic almost the size of one nostril crammed in there. He seems happy to have it out and is breathing fine now.

Mom, I already know what you're going to say. When I was his same age I put six beads from a broken necklace up my nose. It was the only jewelry I owned. sniff.

Christmas Blither-Blather

Dear Alisha,

Can we move on to a new post? This vegetarian thing is really boring.


I couldn't agree with you more. You see, it's Christmas time. Tonight instead of answering questions, I'm going to bore you with what I've allowed to keep me busy. Taking my own advice, I started early on my Christmas preparations. Telling you all I've done makes me feel accomplished, so thanks for humoring me.

I've decorated the Christmas tree..

...as you can see by this completely candid photo.

Finished*. I've also put up decorations. Here is my favorite new addition, a glittery village:

The glittery houses didn't look right and weren't safe sitting out on the buffet*.

Justin attached the Command sticky hooks to the wall then drilled holes in the back of the houses to hang them from. When we are all done, the hooks come off with out leaving a mark on the wall and we feel like geniuses. It took a few attempts before we figured out this solution.

*My silver and pale blue decorations do not look as good in picture as they do in person. I can't seem to capture their sparkly, winter-wonder. I am accepting photography tips.

Here's why the houses as well as the rest of my Christmas decorations aren't safe:

It is Whitman's goal to destroy Christmas. He has broken the nativity set twice, shattered a pretty snow globe, broken more ornaments than I can count, picked the feathers off a feather tree, and took a head dive from the piano into the Christmas tree. He shows no signs of stopping.

Davy on the other hand, has loved helping out with Christmas details.

As seen in this unflattering photo of him decorating the kid Christmas tree. If it makes you love him more, he hasn't been feeling his best this winter yet he's so excitable and eager to please.

He, I mean we, I mean I, am very pleased with it.

We accomplished the most tedious and tricky Christmas task of all:

The Family Photo. Attempt No.1. A Christmas tree farm on a freezing, rainy and windy day. The results speak for themselves.

Attempt No. 2: see family decorating the tree photo above. Doesn't look like the opening to The Family Feud?
Attempt No 3:

Sitting on the piano bench on a dark day in a dark room. Whitman loved it. The rest of the boys were good sports. We did get a shot, it's not my most favorite lighting but it works. In case you get a Christmas card from us, I won't spoil the surprise by showing you the photo now. Try to live with the disappointment.

Having done all that and with most of my Christmas shopping finished, I thought I'd get a jump on Christmas baking. Last Monday we had no school and why not take the day to knock out the most time consuming but delicious of Christmas treats, the sugar cookie?


(See recipe at bottom of post)I baked and frosted all day. On my recipe I have written this, "Warning: these take 4 long hours start to finish". True. And that's for a single batch not a double with kids hanging around. Just so you know, I don't let my kids touch any of the cookies or frosting except the few I place on a plate for them to frost and eat themselves. If anyone gives you sugar cookies saying the kids helped make them, beware. The frosting is 25% slobber.

I packed up my non-slobbery cookies in my new favorite boxes of the season,


along with some nutty-spiced-chocolate squares.

Besides tired at the end of the day, I was feeling a little pleased with myself, even smug. See how much I have accomplished so early in the season? Then as I dragged myself up to bed I noticed an email from a friend that went a little like this: "Alisha, where were you tonight? We missed you at Trevor's piano concert, hope everything is okay." AHHH! In my cookie accomplishing frenzy, I completely forgot about my son's piano recital! Not that I missed seeing him perform, I forgot even to bring him there. After all his months of practicing the Star Wars Theme Song and Dashing Through the Snow. I paid for my pride.


I'd like to share a 2011 goal of mine with you. Learn about photography, specifically lighting. I can spot good lighting but don't know how to get my pictures there. Jana says to get a good shot of yourself, "just sit next to a window with the light streaming in", and just look at what I get- an over exposed face in hash light, devoid of facial bones or tone. If you have a photography book you'd like to recommend to me, please do.

Sugar Cookies1 cup soft butter
1 cup sugar
2 eggs
½ tsp vanilla
1 tsp almond extract or orange oil or lemon oil and zest
*mix until creamed

3 ½ cups flour
½ tsp baking soda
½ tsp baking powder
½ tsp salt, unless using salted butter, then use ¼
*sift together, then add to the above

Dough can be used immediately, unless you want you shapes to be perfectly cut, in which case you should chill the dough for an hour before cutting out on to parchment paper.

Bake at 325 for approx. 11 to 14 minutes. Hint: if you wait till the edges are browned, you’ve over cooked them.
General frosting how-to:
1 stick butter or 4oz cream cheese
juice of one lemon or 1 to 2 tsp almond extract
milk as needed
2 pounds powered sugar

Blend fat, extract, and milk-starting with 1/4 cup. Add powdered sugar. Add more milk if needed to achieve desired consistency. Add a tasteful amount of food coloring.

I thank you for your time.